The Mentalist: I See Red People

Speculation (based on the season finale trailer) that may be considered spoilerish ahead…

I’m moist with anticipation for the season finale of The Mentalist. I’ve been waiting for another crack at that dastardly Do-No-Gooder, Red John, since the season one finale. You don’t even know how bad I want that bastard behind bars.

Or should I say… that BITCH.

And that’s where we get to the spoilerish speculation. I’ve had this theory since last season’s finale that Red John is a woman. In a The Usual Suspects style twist, I thought it would be revealed that Rosalind Harker is Red John.

If you’re rusty on your Mentalist history, the season one finale introduced Harker (Alicia Witt), a blind woman who had dated Red John. Of course her blindness makes her incapable of describing “him” physically. I was hoping it was all a ruse, that her blindness was a hoax so well done that she fooled even Patrick Jane. Who would expect the quiet, blind, pianist?

I started doubting my theory towards the end of season two. Worse, I started doubting that the show could resolve and/or develop the Red John situation to my satisfaction. I was worse than right. I was wrong.

I happened to catch the trailer for the season 2 finale, and it all fell into place. Remember last year when supposed psychic Kristina Frye (Leslie Hope) told Jane that his daughter died peacefully in her sleep? What at the time seemed like an attempt to give Jane some peace was actually an admission that she is the killer!

Need more proof?

• Last week, Hightower referred to Frye as “the blond”, and I immediately launched into a five minute tirade about her hair being far more red than blond, how dare she refer to it as blond, blah blah blah. Duh.
• She’s the only person that has come close to rivaling Jane’s intellect and cunning.
• Jane asked her out. Oh, the painful, painful irony.
• She’s been hiding in plain sight since early on, making her first appearance in the 7th episode, which is necessary for a satisfying reveal.
• Tim said, “Maybe she’s Red John,” during last week’s episode, but apparently I didn’t hear him. I was probably still ranting about her hair being red.

All of Red John’s accomplices so far have been women, which acts as both a misdirection (all of the accomplices refer to Red John as a man) and foreshadowing that Red John is actually female.

I am tempted to immediately drop to my knees in fealty to the almighty writers of The Mentalist, ye who have crafted such a kickass mystery and deftly written the subtle sleight-of-hand required to pull it off, but I don’t want to jinx it.

31 Days of Horror – October 10th – “The Wizard of Gore”

Next up in our 31 Days of Horror countdown is “The Wizard of Gore“, a “kind of” remake of a 1970′s Herschell Gordon Lewis movie of the same name.

From a writing perspective, I think “The Wizard of Gore” could have been good- probably even great, and maybe could have cracked my top 5 horror movies, given my penchant for film noir. It’s got the mystery, the shape shifters, and to top it off, a creepy magician. Unfortunately, the directing and production are such collosal failures, the movie assumes the shape of a giant terd.

Montag the Magnificent is not your garden variety magician. When he chooses a female audience member to be part of his show, instead of making a purse disappear or pulling a scarf out of an ear, he slices them open and pulls out their innards or stuffs them inside a giant barbeque and lights it up. But at the end of the show, just as everyone’s about to flee from the theatre in horror, he says his magic words and the girls appear alive and well before the audience’s eyes. But while the girls may leave the stage unharmed (except for being hypnotized into getting naked, no biggie!), one by one they show up corpsified. Journalist Edmund Bigelow (Kip Pardue) becomes obsessed with the show and the disappearing girls.

TV Casualties Rating: out of 5

Run Time: 95 minutes

Directed by: Jeremy Kasten

Written by: Zach Chassler

Starring: Kip Pardue, Crispin Glover, Bijou Phillips

Theatrical Release: N/A

DVD Release: 08/18/08

“The Wizard of Gore” looks cheap and amateur across the board. The colored lighting and craaaaaazy camera angles are reminscent of mid 90′s MTV, and I don’t mean that as a compliment, in case it wasn’t obvious. There are odd visual flashes throughout the movie that I found confusing since they tip off the already obvious twist. If they were going to be there at all, they should have been a lot more subtle a la Fight Club. Perhaps director Kasten should focus a bit more on communicating the plot to the audience and a little less on the camera tricks.

Dourif (as a crooked herbalist) and Glover (as the aforementioned creepy magician) give good, if not over-the-top, performances. I get the sense that both actors are desperately trying to save a movie they know is destined for the crapper. Kip Pardue struggles as the lead. His lines are delivered so stiffly, it’s almost as if he’s never seen a noir film.

When I noticed the credit for the Suicide Girls in the opening, I thought, “Send in the boobs.” There should be a Countdown to Titties clock in this movie. Anytime you see a chick with tattoos, put 60 seconds on the clock. And it’s not that I’m opposed to breasts in movies, but pointless mam-shots have become so predictable for horror movies that I find it a bit annoying. Make a decent movie and then you’ve earned your tatas.