Things I thought during Survivor Nicaragua: 9/15/10

- Every time Jeff Probst uttered the words “Medallion of Power,” I peed a little bit. He spoke of the medallion in a reverent, almost Gandalf-ish, tone. Clearly this thing is going to be like Link’s power bracelet, the boots of force from Wizards and Warriors and one of Mario’s hallucinogenic mushrooms rolled into one.

-NFL Coach Jimmy Johnson clearly trained for Survivor by locking himself into a tanning bed for 2 weeks. Seriously, he is officially the first 66 year old man to glow the same shade as Snooki.

-It’s also pretty clear that fellow old team member, Marty, is deeply disappointed that he won’t be the awesome alpha leader of the tribe with a Super Bowl winning coach around.

-Another oldie, Holly, sounds pretty much exactly like Sarah Palin.

-Switching to the young folk for a moment, the big dude with dark hair, Shannon, seems like a cross between Burton from the Pearl Islands, Silas from Africa and Bobby John from Guatemala… except more obnoxious than all 3 combined.

-Final thought: Lotta sack blurrin’ going on already this year. Yep. We haven’t seen this much below the waist blurriness since Amanda Kimmel’s ass blurred its way through the wilds of China.

More E3 Trailers: Beatles, Assassins, Zombies, Mario and more

Assassin’s Creed II:

It looks pretty much flawless. There’s no actual footage of gameplay, though. I wonder if it’ll be almost exactly like the first one.

Rock Band: The Beatles:

Sweet. This will basically be Rock Band with all good songs, unlike Rock Band 2 which opted for the no good songs approach. Dibs on George!

Left4Dead 2:

Time to kill zombies in the face. Again.

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker:

By Peace Walker they mean quietly walk up behind a guy and choke him out.

Dante’s Inferno:

Hell actually looks pretty kickass. I can’t wait to impale some kind of demon.

Super Mario Galaxy 2:

Rejoice! More 3D Mario action!