Bam Margera crying at the scene of Ryan Dunn’s death

I also dug up a few of my favorite Ryan Dunn moments:

Jackass 3D

I was about to start this review with the complaint that Jackass 3D relied a little too much on the poo, vomit, and scrotum  gags. And then I realized how dumb that would sound. After all, isn’t that what Jackass is all about?

Instead, what I’ll say is this: the latest installment of the tv/movie franchise feels a little like a restaurant franchise. No one goes to Applebee’s because the food is great. They go because, though the food is mediocre at best, it’s always the same. When you order that tray of Baby Back Ribs, you know exactly what you’re getting. And when you watch a Jackass movie, you know you’re in for a lot of farting, shitting, pissing, punching, and laughing.

To be honest, I didn’t expect either of the first two Jackass movies to be good. I was pleasantly surprised. More than that, I laughed my ass off. But the creativity abundant in the first two movies is lacking in the third. The ratio of silly and funny to gross and painful is off this time around. I know this is patently unAmerican of me to say, but sometimes enough is enough when it comes to people taking hits to the nards.

Maybe what’s really missing from Jackass 3D is enthusiasm. I can’t say I blame them. I don’t think I could be too enthusiastic about taking a T-ball to the family jewels, and I don’t even have family jewels. Then again, the silly skits like Party Boy and Werewolves in London require no organ damage and, in my opinion, were funnier anyway.

Killshot: Resurrected From the Depths of the Weinstein Vaults

Yet another shelved movie comes to light on DVD this week in “Killshot.” You already know the Weinstein routine – reshoots, delayed release dates, editors removing a major character (Johnny Knoxville), producer Quentin Tarantino removing his name, and a theatrical release covering a pathetic five theaters. What’s left is a movie gutted to just 90 minutes – essentially a straight to DVD release.

Mickey Rourke plays Armand ‘The Blackbird’ Degas, a half Native American hitman for the Toronto mob. Blackbird’s first rule on the job is that you kill anyone that sees your face. (Except for Rosario Dawson because he loved her in “Rent.”)

During a job in Detroit, Blackbird manages to royally P.O. his former boss by snuffing “one of his best girls.” (Bros before Hos, gentleman. Bros before Hos.) So he runs to the sticks, where a pseudo-psychotic small-time criminal named Richie Nix (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) attempts to relieve him of his wallet and car. These two knuckleheads bond over the experience and decide to team up, Captain Planet style. Richie hatches an elaborate scheme to extort some cash from the owner of a real estate agency by – wait for it – threatening to kill him if he doesn’t pay. (Why didn’t I think of that!)

TV Casualties Rating:

Run Time: 95 minutes

Directed by: John Madden

Written by: Hossein Amini, Elmore Leonard

Starring: Mickey Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Diane Lane, Thomas Jane

Theatrical Release: 01/23/09

DVD Release: 05/26/09

Production Budget: N/A

Domestic Gross: $18,000

Metacritic Score: N/A

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

As in all pulp crime stories, the plan goes horrible awry. The two miscreants arrive at the real estate office during lunch hour (Classic mistake!) and confuse a realtor’s husband, Wayne (Thomas Jane), with the man with the deep pockets. Wayne makes short shrift of the criminals, of course, defusing their plan, saving his lovely wife and breaking pretty much every window in the building – all with one length of pipe.

Wayne and his wife Carmen (Diane Lane) made a grave error during the bungled heist, though: they looked at Blackbird’s face. (Let’s not forget Bird’s very clear “See my face – shoot your face” rule.) The couple enlist in witness protection and head to Missouri for a few bland scenes before we get to the big confrontation.

“Killshot” is more style than substance, and even the style loses its luster after 15 minutes. The characters are paper thin and boring, and even though this is a talented cast, the performances are equally dull. Gordon-Levitt plays the only character with any color, but he goes so far over the top, you’re begging Blackbird to put a cap in his face after five minutes. Rourke has solid moments but spends most of the movie talking in an annoying clipped English (to prove he’s part Indian, I guess). Similarly, Jane speaks with a ludicrous accent that I can only assume is his attempt at sounding like a Detroit-native. Instead he sounds more like the “Da Bears” skit from SNL. Despite the fact that Lane graces the posters and DVD cover, she’s the least compelling of all.

If the Weinstein’s were going to give “Killshot” such a non-existent release, why bother with all of the editing and reshoots in the first place? When a movie is stripped down for a straight to DVD release like this, I always wonder what could have been. What exactly was in the 30+ minutes they left on the cutting room floor? How would Johnny Knoxville’s character have fit into the plot? We will likely never know.