Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We’ve been fans of Peter Dinklage since The Station Agent, so we figured he’d be awesome as Tyrion. And he is.

Charles Dance as Tywin Lannister
Grade: A-

Comments: Dance’s portrayal of Tywin Lannister left me ice cold. Which is good because he’s a frigid old bastard.

Nikolai Coster-Waldau as Jaime Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We were worried that no one would be able to do Jaime Lannister, one of the most complex characters in the series, justice. Coster-Waldau melds Tywin’s coldness and Tyrions charming wit perfectly.

Lena Headey as Queen Cersei Lannister
Grade: C

Comments: Cersei Lannister is the role we’re most disappointed with after season 1. More than anyone else, Headey seems to be leaning towards the Lord of the Rings stoicism that takes all the dirty crazy fun out of George R. R. Martin’s series. Still, Headey will have a chance to redeem herself in future seasons, we think.

Jack Gleeson as Prince Joffrey Baratheon
Grade: A-

Comments: Gleeson gets a minus because he’s another one that’s so hate-able, he’s hard to like.

Mark Addy as King Robert Baratheon
Grade: A

Comments: Addy nailed the boozing, whoring King Baratheon and delivered and few laughs along the way.

Aiden Gillen as Petyr Baelish
Grade: A+

Comments: Gillen is another familiar face (The Wire) that delivered the effing goods. Baelish is a much more believable sociopath than the evil wizards of your average fantasy tale. Gillen is convincing as both the charming manipulator and as the snaky creep underneath.

Conleth Hill as Lord Varys
Grade: A-

Comments: Hill is exactly as we imagined Lord Varys, but the nature of his role means he doesn’t get any of the juicy scenes.

Rory McCann as Sandor “The Hound” Clegane
Grade: B+

Comments: Again, McCann fits the part but The Hound didn’t get much screen time in season 1. We’re hoping for more in future seasons.

Jerome Flynn as Bronn the Sellsword
Grade: A

Comments: Flynn is one of a few to have elevated his role, in our opinion. Bronn isn’t particularly memorable in the books, but his scenes with Tyrion were some of the high points of season 1.

Sibel Kekilli as Shae the whore
Grade: B

Comments: I don’t recall Shae being quite so sassy in the books, so I’m not sure if that’s Kekilli’s own spin on the role or something that was in the script. Either way, her screen time was limited so we’ll leave her with decent marks until season 2.

Jason Momoa as Khal Drogo
Grade: A-

Comments: I had my doubts, since Momoa is a Stargate alum. He only had a few lines, but he brought an intimidating on-screen presence that brought the Khal Drogo from the books to life.

Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen
Grade: A

Comments: In season 1, Daenerys makes a transition from a shaky, vulnerable girl to khaleesi. Clarke was so shaky early on that I was worried, but in the end it totally worked.

Harry Lloyd as Viserys Targaryen
Grade: A+

Comments: It’s almost too bad that Viserys is such a short-lived character, because Harry Lloyd rocked so hard. But Viserys is such a prick we wouldn’t want him around any longer than necessary.

Ian McElhinney as Barristan Selmy
Grade: A

Comments: When I read the books, I had a hard time imagining an aging knight who was still sort of a bad ass. McElhinney showed me what one looked like.

In an attempt to stave off withdrawal, we decided to grade the cast of Game of Thrones. As a whole, the cast gets an A, but it wouldn’t be much of an article if we gave every actor an A. Any criticism below is sheer nitpickery.

Sean Bean as Lord Eddard Stark
Grade: B+

Comments: Ned is such an understated character that it was hard for Bean to really blow us away, which some of the other cast members did.

Michelle Fairley as Catelyn Stark
Grade: C

Comments: Much criticized on the ‘net for looking older than superfans preferred, our gripe is less about age and more that Fairley’s performance was a little on the melodramatic side. She plays every scene like it’s Life. Or. Death., which means the real life or death scenes just kinda blend in with the rest.

Richard Madden as Robb Stark
Grade: B

Comments: Madden did a solid job handling Robb Stark’s transition from carefree kid to head of the Stark clan.

Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark
Grade: A-

Comments: Turner was one we weren’t quite sure about at the start of the season, but she’d won us over by the time Joffrey forced her to look at Ned’s head on a stick.

Maisie Williams as Arya Stark
Grade: A+

Comments: Williams had big shoes to fill, playing one of our favorite characters from the books. She didn’t disappoint.

Isaac Hempstead-Wright as Bran Stark
Grade: B

Comments: It seemed like we didn’t spend as much time with Bran in the show as in the book, but Hempstead-Wright did well with the screen time he had.

Kit Harington as Jon Snow
Grade: C

Comments: We’re still on the fence about Harington. He’s not bad, but Jon Snow is another favorite character, and we’re left wanting more from him. If he could stop making that confused doofus face so often, it might help.

John Bradley as Samwell Tarly
Grade: A-

Comments: Bradley was excellent for the most part, but there were a few moments that bordered on cartoon sheepishness. He was definitely entertaining, though.

Alfie Allen as Theon Greyjoy
Grade: B-

Comments: We hate Theon so much that we refuse to give him more than a B minus. It actually could be great acting since we’re not supposed to like Theon, but we’ll have to wait and see how things go next season.

Natalia Tena Osha the Wildling
Grade: A

Comments: What separates Game of Thrones from other fantasy (i.e. Lord of the Rings) is the lack of prim and proper. There are no pristine fairy castles in GoT. Even the good guys are kinda dirty and scruffy. Tena’s performance as Osha exemplified that grit and color well.

James Cosmo as Commander Jeor Mormont
Grade: A

Comments: Cosmo is pretty much exactly how we imagined Commander Mormont. Stern. Stern, but fair.

Iain Glen as Jorah Mormont
Grade: A+

Comments: Whether it’s the nature of the character or Glen’s own presence, Jorah Mormont stands out as Daenerys’ wise adviser.

Kate Dickie as Lysa Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: As creepy in the show as she is in the books, Dickie’s protrayal of Lysa Arryn is perfect crazy mommy, fake boob and all.

Lino Facioli as Robin Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: Congratulations parents of Lino Facioli, your kid freaks me out. I guess that’s a good thing, considering the role.

1. Season One
Primary Season Long Arc: The Ice Truck Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita
Deb’s Love Interest: Rudy
The Gist: “Tonight’s the night.” The bright colors of Miami  juxtapose with the detached, sardonic voice over – the Dexter deadpan.  Enter Dexter Morgan – blood spatter forensics expert by day, blood spattering serial killer by night.  He’s cleaning up the streets of Florida the old fashioned way – by dumping garbage bags full of the mutilated bodies of criminals into the Atlantic.  The clash of styles between the emotionless Dexter and the flair of Miami’s culture – from loud music to loud shirts – were still new and exciting in the first season.   These style elements eventually became routine, but what really cements the debut season as a clear number 1 was a plot that was mysterious not only on the surface level of the twists and turns of the Ice Truck Killer case, but in terms of digging into Dexter’s past and uncovering something that fundamentally changes his interpretation of his own identity.  It was almost an origin story that pieced itself together in flashbacks over the course of the season. The writers would try to repeat this in future seasons but would ultimately fail to satisfy.

2. Season Four
Primary Season Long Arc: The Trinity Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (married)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton and Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s 4th installment is best known for the shock of the season’s cliffhanger ending – Dexter returning home to find his wife, Rita, murdered in the bathtub.  The season also had another shocking death earlier in the year as Agent Lundy is shot and killed in the middle of a conversation with Deb.  It’s probably those dramatic exits of 2 longtime characters that push this season just above the rest of the pack, but John Lithgow made a decent serial killer in his guest stint as well.

3. Season Three
Primary Season Long Arc: DA Miguel Prado gets hands on with some perps
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (engaged)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton
The Gist: The 3rd season is nuts.  Somehow Dexter becomes a serial killing mentor to district attorney Miguel Prado, played by Jimmy Smits.  Despite the goofiness of the DA/serial killer tandem-ing, I actually liked Smits.  Eventually, though, the conflict that arises between him and Dexter gets a little melodramatic and seems to drag on for too long before it finally resolves itself in a completely predictable fashion.  A lot of the side stories really started to get annoying this year, too – like Deb banging the partially skinned club musician,  Anton (David Ramsey).  During those scenes I was hoping Miguel and Dexter would burst into my actual house and put me out of my misery.

4. Season Five
Primary Season Long Arc: Jordan Chase and friends
Dexter’s Love Interest: Lumen
Deb’s Love Interest: Quinn
The Gist: When I first heard that Julia Stiles was going to guest star on Dexter’s 5th season, I said: “The bad news is that Julia Stiles is guest starring on Dexter next season.  The good news is that Dexter will murder her. “ More bad news:  He didn’t!  Instead he had sexual relations with her several times and helped her overcome a lot of her PTSD issues through the healing power of stab-murdering a bunch of bad guys.  At this point some of the show’s staple elements are really starting to fall flat.  Dexter’s conversations with imaginary (and/or ghost) Harry have progressed from interesting in season 1 to not so interesting in season 3 and 4 to actually pretty annoying in season 5, for one example.

5. Season Two
Primary Season Long Arc: The Bay Harbor Butcher
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita and Lila
Deb’s Love Interest: Agent Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s bags of bodies are discovered and the heat is on. Everyone is looking for the Bay Harbor Butcher, including the FBI. Dexter also starts going to alocholics anonymous type meetings where he explores the idea of his “dark passenger” and befriends a crazy person with a ridiculous East End accent named Lila.  Dexter wastes little time as he and Lila really hit it off, by which I mean Lila takes her clothes off and Dexter hits it.  Later he kills her.  Also, she was super annoying, and that’s the sole reason this season ranks last.

Synopsis: Part autobiographical, documentary style show about the life of Louis CK, a misanthropic middle aged divorced comedian, part surreal weirdness… interspersed with bits of real stand-up footage.
Our take: “Louie” is by far our favorite new show of the season. The stand-up alone makes it funnier than almost anything else on TV. Early on, the show struggled to mash together all of the elements, but as the season went on, it really started to come together. It seamlessly transitions from the profound and meaningful to purely absurd filth like nothing else we’ve ever seen.
Grade: A

“The Event” – NBC, Monday 9 PM

Synopsis: The first episode is not the event. The second episode is not the event.
Our take: They should have called this show The Lost V-Files. They’ve blended a lot of elements of “Lost”, “V“, and “The X-Files“, to create a sort of mediocre science fiction soup.  (Which, coincidentally, is one of Emeril’s least popular recipes.) There’s a lot of jumping back and forth in time, and most of the dramatic interest is derived from the writers not telling you exactly what’s going on. Their hope being that you’ll be curious to find out what’s going on. Despite its hamfisted effort, I was a little curious. “The Event” fails, however, at creating even one character worth rooting for, so I doubt I’ll be back for episode 3.
Grade: C

“No Ordinary Family” – ABC, Tuesday 8 PM

Synopsis: When a vacation to Brazil goes awry, and by “awry” I mean their plane crashes into a glowing river, one ordinary family develops super powers.
Our take: “No Ordinary Family” is not at all something I’d watch, but for what it’s going for – sort of a watered down “Modern Family” crossed with “Heroes” – I think it does a decent job. I’ll even admit to chuckling a few times. My only complaint is that Michael Chiklis was laying the cheesy kid’s movie dad stuff on a little thick. In the comedy scenes it worked well, but in the dramatic family scenes, it didn’t seem to fit.
Grade: B-

“Rubicon” – AMC, Sunday 9 PM

Synopsis: Will Travers cracks codes and analyzes government intelligence for a living. When his boss/father-in-law is killed, he’s sucked into a whirlwind of conspiracy and intrigue.
Our take: In fairness, the bar for AMC shows is extremely high. “Breaking Bad” and “Mad Men” are arguably two of the best shows on TV now and ever. But for me, the “Rubicon” intrigue is wearing a little thin with the turtle speed pace the show has set for its mystery. To illustrate the slowness, it was ten episodes before the two leads (Will and Katherine Rhumor) finally met up, so everything from episodes 2-9 was at best a baby step and at worst, irrelevant. The two most amusing characters, Miles, the nutty analyst and Kale Ingram, the dour boss, are almost distractions from the main plot. It’s good enough that I’ll keep watching, but the pace is frustrating.
Grade: B+

“Hawaii Five-O” – CBS, Monday 10 PM

Synopsis: Two cops with enormous capped teeth fight terror on the front lines… in the tropical paradise of Hawaii. Also Jin from “Lost” and Boomer from “Battlestar Galactica” are there.
Our take: I made it about ten or fifteen minutes before I had my fill of Alex O’Loughlin’s faux badassness. He’s still the guy from that J-Lo movie to me. For a network show, the action scenes were pretty impressive.
Grade: D

-NFL Coach Jimmy Johnson clearly trained for Survivor by locking himself into a tanning bed for 2 weeks. Seriously, he is officially the first 66 year old man to glow the same shade as Snooki.

-It’s also pretty clear that fellow old team member, Marty, is deeply disappointed that he won’t be the awesome alpha leader of the tribe with a Super Bowl winning coach around.

-Another oldie, Holly, sounds pretty much exactly like Sarah Palin.

-Switching to the young folk for a moment, the big dude with dark hair, Shannon, seems like a cross between Burton from the Pearl Islands, Silas from Africa and Bobby John from Guatemala… except more obnoxious than all 3 combined.

-Final thought: Lotta sack blurrin’ going on already this year. Yep. We haven’t seen this much below the waist blurriness since Amanda Kimmel’s ass blurred its way through the wilds of China.

1.  After two episodes, I can safely conclude that the most clever thing about ABC’s new series is the ironic title.  Happy Town?  Hardly.  The show leaves audiences a mix of bored, angry, sad and inexplicably chafed in hard to clean areas.  My understanding is that the working title was “Steven Weber on the set of Happy Town: I’m a celebrity get me Out of here.  No, seriously, if I can’t get out of this contract, I at least want to fire my agent.”

2.  The showmakers are aiming for the intriguing atmosphere of Twin Peaks and coming up with something closer to the functionally retarded feel of the Prison Break universe.

And for my next trick, I will make the show Happy Town disappear from ABC's fall schedule!

3.  Actually, even more so it reminds me of CBS’s also crappy Harper’s Island, but at least a shit ton of meaningful characters got stabbed, maimed, mutilated, crinkled and smeared around in that one. Outside of a molester-y guy taking a railroad spike to the forehead in the opening scene, the best shock Happy Town can muster is a chopped off hand, which leads to:

4.  When I was in elementary school, one of the kids in my class had his thumb and pinky chopped off.  They sewed them back on, but the limbs never grew.  They were like these dried out, curved, little hard nub-fingers that weren’t very flexible or useful.  In Happy Town, the Sherriff gets his entire hand chopped off and reattached, and it’s looking like that’s just going to work. OMFG. If that thing doesn’t look like a shriveled up monkey’s paw that would grant me 3 wishes next week, I’m outta here.

5.  Amy Acker is awesome.  She is funny and charismatic.  You wouldn’t realize these things in watching an episode of Shittsburgh, though.  She gets like 3 lines while her douchey husband cavemans around town hamfisting the fuck out of everything in his path.

So there you have it, and judging by the ratings, America agrees with me.

The show: “Nurse Jackie“

Synopsis: A Vicodin addicted nurse tries to balance a hectic work life with a messy love life

Debuted: June 9th, 2009

Our take: I started out really enthusiastic about Nurse Jackie, but by the end of the season my interest had petered out. The way the characters were first introduced was great- nursing student Zoey hovers awkwardly until Jackie snaps. Jackie manipulates her boyfriend into giving her drugs without him realizing that’s all she’s interested in.  And then the show seemed to be dragging it’s feet, which is bad news when your episodes are only half an hour long. The half hour format in itself is an odd fit- I think they were going for a Weeds-style dark dramedy, but a lot of the humor after the first few episodes didn’t work.

For the first few episodes, Nurse Jackie was “gray”- she was snorting pain killers and unabashedly using her boyfriend to get more (behind her husband’s back, of course), and you’re not really sure how you feel about all of this. Mid-season Jackie becomes almost two separate characters- in some scenes she’s clearly written so the audience is with her. In others we’re meant to be against her. There’s something ballsy about putting a character out there that you’re not entirely sure how the audience will react to, and I feel like the writers of “Nurse Jackie” lost their nerve. They write to manipulate, knowing how the audience will react to every scene. A better and more consistent “gray” character can be found in Mad Men’s Don Draper.

What it would need to do to keep me watching: Bring sassy, cynical, verging on angry Jackie back, and let us decide whether or not we’re disgusted or not by her behavior. Oh yeah, and leave the weird slapstick comedy moments out.

The show: “Eastbound & Down“
Synopsis: Former professional baseball star returns home in shame to teach a high school gym class before mounting his comeback attempt.
Debuted: February 15th, 2009
Our take: There are fairly consistent laughs, mostly coming from McBride and his trusty sidekick Stevie (Steve Little).   The show is largely adlibbed, which winds up being a gift and a curse.  When it works, it’s pretty much hilarious and completely unique.  The problem arises in that it misses just as often, and it comes off as lazy and uninspired.  There are stretches where it seems like no one is trying.  There are also scenes where it seems like the actors are fighting each other for attention, hamming it up to be the funniest one in the scene and those fall really flat as well.  We were also a little disappointed in the way that former “Deadwood” star John Hawkes was used (or should we say wasn’t used?)

What it would need to do to keep me watching: The first season was only 6 episodes.  It’s hard to imagine where the show will go from this point.  It almost has to change directions to some degree, so that could be interesting.  If it showed a little more discipline, it could be one of our highest rated.

Please pass the remote.

The show: “True Blood“
Synopsis: Girl bangs vampire.
Debuted: September 7th, 2008
Our take: It’s a good thing for HBO’s “True Blood” that I ranked these shows before the second season came out. While the show’s Nielsen ratings have doubled from last year, they lost at least two viewers in the TV Casualties screening room.

I gave the show 14 or 15 episodes before I threw in the towel. Looking back, the pilot struck me as mediocre, especially considering the talent behind the series. From that point, the series went downhill quickly. I was such a big fan of Alan Ball’s “Six Feet Under” that when I first heard about HBO developing this series, I ran out and read all of the books it’s based on.  I haven’t hated a show this much since “Nip/Tuck,” and I might hate this one more because I had so much invested in it.

What it would need to do to keep me watching: There’s so much wrong with “True Blood” that I can’t imagine it surviving any of the surgical removals I’d recommend. Mainly Anna Paquin. I can’t recall encountering a more obnoxious, irrational, and just plain dumb main character in any book, show, or movie.

The plot thickens further when Eddie discovers that Jackie has a daughter (of course we know she has two AND a husband…) after Coop flaps those gossipy lips of his. So far it’s a non-issue, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a can of worms in the Eddie-Jackie storyline in coming weeks. I do find it a liiiiiittle bit unbelievable that someone would be able to do such a stellar job of keeping her family a secret from most of her coworkers, but hey, it’s tv. If it’s well written, I’ll buy almost anything.

There’s more development with the side characters, as well- Mrs. Akalitus finds an abandoned baby in the ER and instead of turning it over to child services, stays the night in her office with it. Zoey, after watching a show about pupils on tv, discovers that one of the temp nurses is on drugs (irony!!), and Dr. O’Hara has a bit of a meltdown over her personal life.

After a mid-season slump, it looks to me like Nurse Jackie is finding it’s groove.