Crappy Town: 5 things I hate about the new ABC series Happy Town

Wow.

1.  After two episodes, I can safely conclude that the most clever thing about ABC’s new series is the ironic title.  Happy Town?  Hardly.  The show leaves audiences a mix of bored, angry, sad and inexplicably chafed in hard to clean areas.  My understanding is that the working title was “Steven Weber on the set of Happy Town: I’m a celebrity get me Out of here.  No, seriously, if I can’t get out of this contract, I at least want to fire my agent.”

2.  The showmakers are aiming for the intriguing atmosphere of Twin Peaks and coming up with something closer to the functionally retarded feel of the Prison Break universe.

3.  Actually, even more so it reminds me of CBS’s also crappy Harper’s Island, but at least a shit ton of meaningful characters got stabbed, maimed, mutilated, crinkled and smeared around in that one. Outside of a molester-y guy taking a railroad spike to the forehead in the opening scene, the best shock Happy Town can muster is a chopped off hand, which leads to:

4.  When I was in elementary school, one of the kids in my class had his thumb and pinky chopped off.  They sewed them back on, but the limbs never grew.  They were like these dried out, curved, little hard nub-fingers that weren’t very flexible or useful.  In Happy Town, the Sherriff gets his entire hand chopped off and reattached, and it’s looking like that’s just going to work. OMFG. If that thing doesn’t look like a shriveled up monkey’s paw that would grant me 3 wishes next week, I’m outta here.

5.  Amy Acker is awesome.  She is funny and charismatic.  You wouldn’t realize these things in watching an episode of Shittsburgh, though.  She gets like 3 lines while her douchey husband cavemans around town hamfisting the fuck out of everything in his path.

So there you have it, and judging by the ratings, America agrees with me.

Ranking the New Shows: #6 – Nurse Jackie

In an early, draft of this list, we had Showtime’s “Nurse Jackie” ranked as high as #2, but over time it slid down to#6.

The show: “Nurse Jackie“

Synopsis: A Vicodin addicted nurse tries to balance a hectic work life with a messy love life

Debuted: June 9th, 2009

Our take: I started out really enthusiastic about Nurse Jackie, but by the end of the season my interest had petered out. The way the characters were first introduced was great- nursing student Zoey hovers awkwardly until Jackie snaps. Jackie manipulates her boyfriend into giving her drugs without him realizing that’s all she’s interested in.  And then the show seemed to be dragging it’s feet, which is bad news when your episodes are only half an hour long. The half hour format in itself is an odd fit- I think they were going for a Weeds-style dark dramedy, but a lot of the humor after the first few episodes didn’t work.

For the first few episodes, Nurse Jackie was “gray”- she was snorting pain killers and unabashedly using her boyfriend to get more (behind her husband’s back, of course), and you’re not really sure how you feel about all of this. Mid-season Jackie becomes almost two separate characters- in some scenes she’s clearly written so the audience is with her. In others we’re meant to be against her. There’s something ballsy about putting a character out there that you’re not entirely sure how the audience will react to, and I feel like the writers of “Nurse Jackie” lost their nerve. They write to manipulate, knowing how the audience will react to every scene. A better and more consistent “gray” character can be found in Mad Men’s Don Draper.

What it would need to do to keep me watching: Bring sassy, cynical, verging on angry Jackie back, and let us decide whether or not we’re disgusted or not by her behavior. Oh yeah, and leave the weird slapstick comedy moments out.

Ranking the New Shows: #7 – Eastbound and Down

Danny McBride’s HBO comedy, “Eastbound & Down,” comes in at #7.  Of the 3 half hour comedies in our top 10, this is easily the foulest.

The show: “Eastbound & Down“
Synopsis: Former professional baseball star returns home in shame to teach a high school gym class before mounting his comeback attempt.
Debuted: February 15th, 2009
Our take: There are fairly consistent laughs, mostly coming from McBride and his trusty sidekick Stevie (Steve Little).   The show is largely adlibbed, which winds up being a gift and a curse.  When it works, it’s pretty much hilarious and completely unique.  The problem arises in that it misses just as often, and it comes off as lazy and uninspired.  There are stretches where it seems like no one is trying.  There are also scenes where it seems like the actors are fighting each other for attention, hamming it up to be the funniest one in the scene and those fall really flat as well.  We were also a little disappointed in the way that former “Deadwood” star John Hawkes was used (or should we say wasn’t used?)

What it would need to do to keep me watching: The first season was only 6 episodes.  It’s hard to imagine where the show will go from this point.  It almost has to change directions to some degree, so that could be interesting.  If it showed a little more discipline, it could be one of our highest rated.

Ranking the New Shows: #8 – True Blood

Crap! Fall is here and we’ve falling behind on our rankings.  Let’s try to speed this up.
“True Blood” is up at number 8. The show is incredibly faithful to the whole vampire thing… and by that I mean it sucks.

The show: “True Blood“
Synopsis: Girl bangs vampire.
Debuted: September 7th, 2008
Our take: It’s a good thing for HBO’s “True Blood” that I ranked these shows before the second season came out. While the show’s Nielsen ratings have doubled from last year, they lost at least two viewers in the TV Casualties screening room.

I gave the show 14 or 15 episodes before I threw in the towel. Looking back, the pilot struck me as mediocre, especially considering the talent behind the series. From that point, the series went downhill quickly. I was such a big fan of Alan Ball’s “Six Feet Under” that when I first heard about HBO developing this series, I ran out and read all of the books it’s based on.  I haven’t hated a show this much since “Nip/Tuck,” and I might hate this one more because I had so much invested in it.

What it would need to do to keep me watching: There’s so much wrong with “True Blood” that I can’t imagine it surviving any of the surgical removals I’d recommend. Mainly Anna Paquin. I can’t recall encountering a more obnoxious, irrational, and just plain dumb main character in any book, show, or movie.

Instant Reaction: Nurse Jackie, “Steak Knife” & “Pupil”, 7/20 & 7/27

I must have gotten through with the firm talking-to I gave Nurse Jackie last time around, because things are finally starting to happen. On the romantic front, Eddie tries to give Jackie a bracelet in honor of their one-year anniversary. It doesn’t play out so well- Jackie clearly doesn’t remember the anniversary, nor does she seem to really want to even acknowledge it. This leads to Jackie and Eddie’s first fight, and Eddie lets her have it, suggesting she only shows interest in him when he’s giving her drugs. This is the first real conflict in the show and the first time anyone has confronted Jackie about anything. So far, it’s one of the most compelling moments of the season.

The plot thickens further when Eddie discovers that Jackie has a daughter (of course we know she has two AND a husband…) after Coop flaps those gossipy lips of his. So far it’s a non-issue, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a can of worms in the Eddie-Jackie storyline in coming weeks. I do find it a liiiiiittle bit unbelievable that someone would be able to do such a stellar job of keeping her family a secret from most of her coworkers, but hey, it’s tv. If it’s well written, I’ll buy almost anything.

There’s more development with the side characters, as well- Mrs. Akalitus finds an abandoned baby in the ER and instead of turning it over to child services, stays the night in her office with it. Zoey, after watching a show about pupils on tv, discovers that one of the temp nurses is on drugs (irony!!), and Dr. O’Hara has a bit of a meltdown over her personal life.

After a mid-season slump, it looks to me like Nurse Jackie is finding it’s groove.

Ranking the New Shows: #9 – Fringe

Of all of Fox’s recent attempts at the science fiction genre, “Fringe” looks like the most likely to succeed. It made number 9 on our list of best new shows.

The show: “Fringe”
Synopsis: Remember the “The X-Files“?
Debuted: September 9th, 2008
Our take: “The X-Files“ plus insane doctor equals awesome. Some of the time. John Noble carries this show as the mad scientist Walter Bishop. His absurd comments and non sequiturs add an element of quirky comedy to what would otherwise be a crappy cop drama with aliens and monsters. Not only does he make me laugh out loud several times an episode, but the show relies on him to deliver huge chunks of exposition to sell the “scientific” explanation of the disease/monster/wereporcupine of the week to the audience (with little help from the script).
This leads me to the main problem, which is that the story of the week element is extremely formulaic. And the formula is a pretty mediocre one. Even if I suspend belief to swallow the week’s pseudo-scientific disaster, the reactions of the characters and their subsequent solutions are much too cozy for me to buy. (How many times are they going to download images from a dead person’s brain or shove Olivia back into the Sensory Deprivation Chamber?) The season long story arc has compelling aspects but gets buried, and the suspense in general is lacking.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: I’ll keep watching for John Noble, and I do see some potential in the show as a whole, but I’ll never be a devoted fan until they invest more in the long term plot.

Instant Reaction: Nurse Jackie, “Tiny Bubbles” 6/13/09

In this week’s episode, Paula, a former friend and coworker of Jackie’s returns to the hospital. She’s dying of cancer and has been given only a week or so to live. With little more than a *wink wink*, she convinces Jackie (and the rest of the staff) to help her euthanize herself.

The issue of euthanasia is handled with such nonchalance, that I wonder if we’re supposed to believe that in the “Nurse Jackie” world, this is a common occurrence. The writers are apparently aware of this snafu, so they have Eddie the Pharmacist rebuke Zoey the Nursing Student for suggesting it’s some sort of “rite of passage”. Well excuuuuuse me, princess! It’s a little contradictory for the euthanasia plan to come together so quickly and then insist that this doesn’t normally happen.

Also on this week’s agenda is the revelation that Coop’s parents are lesbians. Despite the fact that two more-than-capable actresses were cast as Coop’s Two Moms (Blythe Danner and Swoosie Kurtz), I’m more than a little afraid that we’re in for some poorly handled mommy-melodrama in the weeks to come.

This week really highlights “Nurse Jackie’s” main flaw- a lack of dramatic (or any) focus. The writers continue to inch away from the love-triangle/addiction plot introduced in the pilot and bog everything down with subplots that are not particularly compelling. On top of that, the humor is a lot less sharp. Last week, there was some way over-the-top slapstick (which I didn’t like either). This week, I don’t think I laughed once.

“Nurse Jackie” is at the halfway point in it’s first season. It’s gone downhill after a promising start, but I’m hoping it can recapture some of the excitement of the first two episodes as the season concludes.

Ranking the New Shows: #10 – Royal Pains

Number 10 comes to us from the USA network – a fairly new entrant into the legitimate television drama game.

The show: “Royal Pains”
Synopsis: An unemployed doctor, Hank Lawson (Mark Feuerstein), and his sleazy brother Evan (Paulo Costanzo), enter the realm of the ultra-wealthy when a billionaire in the Hamptons hires Cliff as his concierge doctor.
Debuted: June 4, 2009
Our take: The key ingredients for a great show are here, but it doesn’t quite come together. The dialogue is quick and witty, and Feuerstein and Costanzo have some chemistry and are likeable as the leads. The premise, while not necessarily riveting, is open ended enough to allow a huge variety of stories. The show bogs itself down with some sentimental cheesiness here and there, though, that undermines its strengths. The good guys, even the loser brother, are a little too good. Nobody wants their source of sleazy humor to actually have a heart of gold. My only real complaint beyond that is that the medical details and jargon seem a little careless and melodramatic.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: Tighten it up. If this was just a little more focused on being entertaining and avoided those cheesy manipulative moments, I’d be a fan. Not every disease has to be a super obscure disaster, and the doctor doesn’t always have to ride in on a white horse to stop injustice and save lives left and right. If they made it a little more believable and emphasized the humor, it’d be a good show.

Ranking the New Shows: #11 – Dollhouse

Fox’s “Dollhouse” was one of the most anticipated new series this year, but many feel it was lucky to be picked up for a second season. It lands just shy of the Top Ten on our list.

The show: “Dollhouse”
Synopsis: The Dollhouse is an underground organization that uses new technology to program “actives” – people that have had their personalities wiped – to fulfill a wide arrange of missions. Contrary to standard Dollhouse procedure, Echo (Eliza Dushku) seems to be remembering more and more of her pre-Doll life, while FBI agent Paul Ballard (Tahmoh Penikett) races to expose the organization and save the girl.
Debuted: February 13, 2009
Our take: “Dollhouse” had a lot of problems before it even aired- a complete halt in production, a pilot that was canned (the original will be available on the DVD), and continuing conflict between the network and creator Joss Whedon. The final product reflects those problems. I spend a lot of my time watching “Dollhouse” trying to figure out what the writers are going for. What is the hook? What is it that they can’t wait to unleash on the audience? Nothing here really grabs me. Whedon’s previous work, like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel“, thrived on quirky humor and major plot twists. “Dollhouse” takes itself more seriously than either of those but doesn’t have the dramatic impact to back it up. The comedy primarily comes through Topher, the nerdy Doll programmer, whom finds himself so amusing it’s way more annoying than funny. The plot twists fail to surprise. I keep waiting for something bigger to happen, but the suspense is non-existent. Perhaps the biggest problem with “Dollhouse” is that the starring role doesn’t fit their lead actress. Dushku doesn’t have the chops to pull off a role that requires her to play a different character every week. She mostly winds up looking constantly confused. It’s highlighted further because the other two Dolls (Sierra and Victor) show tons of range and pull off a variety of characters convincingly and entertainingly. The writers addressed this issue somewhat after the first few episodes by simplifying Echo’s role and focusing more on side characters.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: “Dollhouse” has been a frustrating viewing experience so far, but I stuck with it through the first season, and I’ll give it a chance next year. The show did improve over the course of the first run of episodes, but I’m sticking with it more out of faith in Joss Whedon than anything the show has done.

Ranking the New Shows: #12 – Raising the Bar

Our pick for 12th best new show of the year is “Raising the Bar“, which is the only courtroom drama in the mix (and also the only one to feature Zack Morris).

The show: “Raising the Bar”
Synopsis: Facing off in court by day and hitting the town for cosmos at night, a group of assistant district attorneys and public defenders make strange bedfellows and brosephs in “Raising the Bar.”
Debuted: September 1, 2008
Our take: There’s something a little hard to swallow about this show’s premise at its most fundamental level. I just can’t quite buy the way everyone is more or less friends or at least really personally involved with each other. If they were all in one office it would still be a stretch, but they’re not, so it gets a bit silly. That said, Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a surprisingly charismatic lead (aside from his hair), and the court room scenes are mostly handled well enough. Court room dramas are not a particular interest of mine, but this has kept me engaged by taking a more reasonable and procedural approach rather than the melodramatic. In fact, I’ll go beyond that to say I’ve been particularly impressed with all of the guest actors playing witnesses. It says something about the quality of a production when they take such care in casting even the smallest roles.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: The show makes it hard to root for the DAs much, which undermines some of the drama. The romantic interest of the early episodes also left me a little cold. If they could balance these issues out, I might give it another chance, but like I said, I’m not a big fan of court room dramas to begin with.

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