TV Casualties » Best _____ Ever Lists

Ranking the seasons: Dexter

Tim & Lex — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 05:11:31 +0000

The fifth installment of Showtime’s serial killer saga, “Dexter”, delivered the highest ratings yet, and the show was already the most watched in network history, so we can probably assume the series will go as long as star Michael C. Hall remains interested. (Fun fact: Hall’s marriage to co-star Jennifer Carpenter [AKA Dexter's sister Deb] is apparently headed for divorce, which could add some extra tension to the set as both will be back next year.) But, ratings aside, how did this season stack up to the rest on a scale of 1 to awesome? Let’s rank them shits.

1. Season One
Primary Season Long Arc: The Ice Truck Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita
Deb’s Love Interest: Rudy
The Gist: “Tonight’s the night.” The bright colors of Miami juxtapose with the detached, sardonic voice over – the Dexter deadpan. Enter Dexter Morgan – blood spatter forensics expert by day, blood spattering serial killer by night. He’s cleaning up the streets of Florida the old fashioned way – by dumping garbage bags full of the mutilated bodies of criminals into the Atlantic. The clash of styles between the emotionless Dexter and the flair of Miami’s culture – from loud music to loud shirts – were still new and exciting in the first season. These style elements eventually became routine, but what really cements the debut season as a clear number 1 was a plot that was mysterious not only on the surface level of the twists and turns of the Ice Truck Killer case, but in terms of digging into Dexter’s past and uncovering something that fundamentally changes his interpretation of his own identity. It was almost an origin story that pieced itself together in flashbacks over the course of the season. The writers would try to repeat this in future seasons but would ultimately fail to satisfy.

2. Season Four
Primary Season Long Arc: The Trinity Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (married)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton and Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s 4th installment is best known for the shock of the season’s cliffhanger ending – Dexter returning home to find his wife, Rita, murdered in the bathtub. The season also had another shocking death earlier in the year as Agent Lundy is shot and killed in the middle of a conversation with Deb. It’s probably those dramatic exits of 2 longtime characters that push this season just above the rest of the pack, but John Lithgow made a decent serial killer in his guest stint as well.

3. Season Three
Primary Season Long Arc: DA Miguel Prado gets hands on with some perps
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (engaged)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton
The Gist: The 3rd season is nuts. Somehow Dexter becomes a serial killing mentor to district attorney Miguel Prado, played by Jimmy Smits. Despite the goofiness of the DA/serial killer tandem-ing, I actually liked Smits. Eventually, though, the conflict that arises between him and Dexter gets a little melodramatic and seems to drag on for too long before it finally resolves itself in a completely predictable fashion. A lot of the side stories really started to get annoying this year, too – like Deb banging the partially skinned club musician, Anton (David Ramsey). During those scenes I was hoping Miguel and Dexter would burst into my actual house and put me out of my misery.

4. Season Five
Primary Season Long Arc: Jordan Chase and friends
Dexter’s Love Interest: Lumen
Deb’s Love Interest: Quinn
The Gist: When I first heard that Julia Stiles was going to guest star on Dexter’s 5th season, I said: “The bad news is that Julia Stiles is guest starring on Dexter next season. The good news is that Dexter will murder her. “ More bad news: He didn’t! Instead he had sexual relations with her several times and helped her overcome a lot of her PTSD issues through the healing power of stab-murdering a bunch of bad guys. At this point some of the show’s staple elements are really starting to fall flat. Dexter’s conversations with imaginary (and/or ghost) Harry have progressed from interesting in season 1 to not so interesting in season 3 and 4 to actually pretty annoying in season 5, for one example.

5. Season Two
Primary Season Long Arc: The Bay Harbor Butcher
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita and Lila
Deb’s Love Interest: Agent Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s bags of bodies are discovered and the heat is on. Everyone is looking for the Bay Harbor Butcher, including the FBI. Dexter also starts going to alocholics anonymous type meetings where he explores the idea of his “dark passenger” and befriends a crazy person with a ridiculous East End accent named Lila. Dexter wastes little time as he and Lila really hit it off, by which I mean Lila takes her clothes off and Dexter hits it. Later he kills her. Also, she was super annoying, and that’s the sole reason this season ranks last.

Top 20 Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)

Tim & Lex — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 03:41:47 +0000

After waiting a year (almost) for the movies of 2000-2009 to fully sink in, we’re finally prepared to unleash our best of the decade list. Hold on to your butts.

20. Memento – The infamous “backwards movie” that really launched Christopher Nolan’s career (The Dark Knight, The Prestige, Inception). Nolan packs enough action into his movies to satisfy most everyone, but at the root of his best movies are unique story/narrative concepts that are fully developed and realized via complex plots. Hard to believe that some thought of him as a “gimmick” movie maker when Memento first came out.

19. Cloverfield – A documentary style horror movie, effectively crossing Godzilla with The Blair Witch Project. Maybe not completely beloved by critics, but beloved by me. Cloverfield‘s faithfulness to its point of view gives the unfolding horrors a sense of realism that heightens their impact.

18. Nine Lives – Nine loosely connected, interwoven vignettes, written and directed by Rodrigo Garcia, son of famed Latin American author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

17. Dogville – Lars Von Trier’s controversial 2003 movie starring Nicole Kidman and set on a stage with no props, backdrops, or scenery. Very dark.

16. Adaptation – Charlie Kaufman and his fictional twin, Donald, attempt to adapt Susan Orlean’s The Orchid Thief.

15. The King of Kong – This documentary tells the story of the all-time Donkey Kong arcade game record, which is surprisingly dramatic. There’s sabotage, conspiracy, and an antagonist so villainous, you wouldn’t believe it if it wasn’t real. Plus a lot of hilarious nerds.

14. O Brother, Where Art Thou? – The Coen Brothers teamed up with George Clooney to make a Depression-era retelling of Homer’s The Odyssey.

13. The Man Who Wasn’t There – Billy Bob Thornton stars in this barber shop Noir. My favorite Coen Brothers movie of the decade, even if it’s not the most critically acclaimed.

12. Brick – This is what happens when you view a high school drama through a Noir lens.

11. The Descent – A horror movie that rises to the challenge of having an actual story with real characters, while remaining truly scary. (Side note: In seventh grade, I made it to the southwest semifinal spelling bee for my state, and I got out on my first word. Descent. Ever since, the word has terrified me.)

10. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – Charlie Kaufman’s “what if we could pay to erase our bad memories?” movie, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

9. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – Peter Jackson’s fantasy trilogy is probably the best execution ever in this genre.

8. Let the Right One In – Swedish vampire movie that on the surface sounds similar to the plot of something like Twilight, but in reality works as a totally unique, quirky horror movie.

7. Inglourious Basterds – Most critics prefer the Kill Bill movies, but despite many openly sophomoric elements, Basterds struck me as Tarantino’s most mature movie, and it’s my favorite of his from this decade, and maybe my favorite over all.

6. A Tale of Two Sisters – This Korean horror movie combines a “what the hell is going on” plot with a variety of creepy visuals. It has stuck with me for about 7 years. (It also was remade into the horrible American horror movie “The Uninvited“.)

5. Shotgun Stories – A blood feud erupts between two families in a rural Arkansas town, and it’s not long before both sides go too far.

4. Amelie – A French story about an eccentric girl and her first secret adventures after a childhood of isolation.

3. The Station Agent – A lonesome dwarf inherits an old train station building in rural New Jersey and befriends some of the locals.

2. The Best of Youth – Originally made for Italian TV, this 6 hour mini-series/movie tells the story of 2 brothers, covering from their high school years up through adulthood.

1. Grizzly Man – The life and death of Timothy Treadwell – the guy who voluntarily lived among the bears in the wild of Alaska for months at a time – filmed by Treadwell himself and pieced together into a documentary by Werner Herzog after Treadwell’s death. I watched this over 5 years ago and still think about it a lot. It didn’t win the Oscar, in fact it wasn’t even nominated, but it’s number 1 in our book.

Top 50 Cartoon Theme Songs of All Time

Tim & Lex — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:21:59 +0000

You will be a better person for watching these. (The only rule: currently active theme songs aren’t eligible.)

50. Spiral Zone

Bonus points for: Extreme wailing guitar.

49. Rainbow Brite

Short and sweet. Bonus points for: Slightly flat singing.

48. The Legend of Zelda

The highly regarded video game franchise with the lowly regarded cartoon adaptation.

Worst Catch Phrase Ever Bonus Video:

47. Street Sharks!

Bonus points for: Coining the term jawsome.

46. My Little Pony

Bonus points for: Excessive creepiness.

45. Transformers

This theme song? More than meets the ear.

44. Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers

Decent song. Plus it’s rad when Monterey Jack smells cheese and goes cuckoo.

43. G.I. Joe

A real American Hero… made in China.

42. Lady LovelyLocks and the Pixietails [VHS]

Slight deduction for: Song over end credits, talking over opening. Give us some music up front, Miss Lovelylocks!

41. Fat Albert

Hey hey hey!

40. The Smurfs

Pumpernickel pickle!

39. Thundarr The Barbarian

Bonus points for: Excessive exposition (2000 years pass during the opening explanation!) plus the rip-off factor. This manages to basically steal the name from Conan the Barbarian, most everything else from He-Man, plus the light saber (Sun sword? Thundarr, please.) from Star Wars.

38. Pokemon

Bonus points for: Sweet harmonies.

37. She-Ra

Bonus points for: Fabulous powers.

36. Pac-Man

Bonus points for: Being excessively faithful to the original game. Power pellets, dude.

35. Count Duckula

Bonus points for: Excellent use of Vincent Price copycat.

34. New Kids On The Block

Bonus points for: Celebrities morphing into cartoons.

33. Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors

Bonus points for: Thundering across the stars to save the universe from the Monster Minds. Jayce searches for his father to unite the Magic Root and lead his Lightning League to victory over the changing form of Saw Boss. Wheeled Warriors explode into battle – Lightning Strikes!

32. Hong Kong Phooey

Sublime covered it.

31. Ren & Stimpy

Actually just an awesome song.

30. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Bonus points for: Real celebrity voices.

29. The Adventures of David the Gnome

Heartwarming.

28. James Bond, Jr.

Yes, that’s correct. He’s James Bond, Jr. but the original James Bond is referenced as his uncle. I believe it’s a George Foreman type situation.

27. The Jetsons

Weirdly similar to the Simpsons theme. Slight deduction for: Not originally airing on Saturday morning.

26. DuckTales

Bonus points for: Swimming in a pool of gold coins.

25. Spider-Man

The Ramones covered it.

24. Mister T

Bonus points for: Concise lyrics.

23. The Flintstones

Fred Flintstone – the Archie Bunker of the cartoon world. Slight deduction for: Not originally airing on Saturday Morning.

22. Rugrats

Mothersbaugh.

21. George of the Jungle

Bonus points for: Righteous drums.

20. Heathcliff

Danceable.

19. TaleSpin

Bonus points for: Recycling a popular character from a completely disconnected series.

18. Popeye the Sailor

Slight deduction for: False advertising. As a kid, I was pretty disappointed when spinach didn’t instantly give me huge muscles, and subsequently, the ability to maim the other kids of my choosing.

17. Captain Planet and the Planeteers

Slight deduction for: Song over end credits.

Crazy Kid Bonus Video:

16. Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos

Bonus explosion for: Excessive repetition of “Chuck Norris,” celebrity morphing into cartoon, and a real celebrity voice. (Plus Uncle Phil did some of the other voices.)

I can’t believe this is real Bonus Video:

15. Extreme Dinosaurs

These are not normal dinosaurs. They are 100% verified as extreme.

14. The Pink Panther

Sweet jazz.

13. Beetlejuice

Awesome Danny Elfman song.

12. Dangermouse

Short, sweet and fantastic.

11. Darkwing Duck

Let’s get dangerous.

10. Dinosaucers