Grading the Cast of Game of Thrones, Part 2

Without further ado, a continuation of our grading of the cast of Game of Thrones.

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We’ve been fans of Peter Dinklage since The Station Agent, so we figured he’d be awesome as Tyrion. And he is.

Charles Dance as Tywin Lannister
Grade: A-

Comments: Dance’s portrayal of Tywin Lannister left me ice cold. Which is good because he’s a frigid old bastard.

Nikolai Coster-Waldau as Jaime Lannister
Grade: A+

Comments: We were worried that no one would be able to do Jaime Lannister, one of the most complex characters in the series, justice. Coster-Waldau melds Tywin’s coldness and Tyrions charming wit perfectly.

Lena Headey as Queen Cersei Lannister
Grade: C

Comments: Cersei Lannister is the role we’re most disappointed with after season 1. More than anyone else, Headey seems to be leaning towards the Lord of the Rings stoicism that takes all the dirty crazy fun out of George R. R. Martin’s series. Still, Headey will have a chance to redeem herself in future seasons, we think.

Jack Gleeson as Prince Joffrey Baratheon
Grade: A-

Comments: Gleeson gets a minus because he’s another one that’s so hate-able, he’s hard to like.

Mark Addy as King Robert Baratheon
Grade: A

Comments: Addy nailed the boozing, whoring King Baratheon and delivered and few laughs along the way.

Aiden Gillen as Petyr Baelish
Grade: A+

Comments: Gillen is another familiar face (The Wire) that delivered the effing goods. Baelish is a much more believable sociopath than the evil wizards of your average fantasy tale. Gillen is convincing as both the charming manipulator and as the snaky creep underneath.

Conleth Hill as Lord Varys
Grade: A-

Comments: Hill is exactly as we imagined Lord Varys, but the nature of his role means he doesn’t get any of the juicy scenes.

Rory McCann as Sandor “The Hound” Clegane
Grade: B+

Comments: Again, McCann fits the part but The Hound didn’t get much screen time in season 1. We’re hoping for more in future seasons.

Jerome Flynn as Bronn the Sellsword
Grade: A

Comments: Flynn is one of a few to have elevated his role, in our opinion. Bronn isn’t particularly memorable in the books, but his scenes with Tyrion were some of the high points of season 1.

Sibel Kekilli as Shae the whore
Grade: B

Comments: I don’t recall Shae being quite so sassy in the books, so I’m not sure if that’s Kekilli’s own spin on the role or something that was in the script. Either way, her screen time was limited so we’ll leave her with decent marks until season 2.

Jason Momoa as Khal Drogo
Grade: A-

Comments: I had my doubts, since Momoa is a Stargate alum. He only had a few lines, but he brought an intimidating on-screen presence that brought the Khal Drogo from the books to life.

Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen
Grade: A

Comments: In season 1, Daenerys makes a transition from a shaky, vulnerable girl to khaleesi. Clarke was so shaky early on that I was worried, but in the end it totally worked.

Harry Lloyd as Viserys Targaryen
Grade: A+

Comments: It’s almost too bad that Viserys is such a short-lived character, because Harry Lloyd rocked so hard. But Viserys is such a prick we wouldn’t want him around any longer than necessary.

Ian McElhinney as Barristan Selmy
Grade: A

Comments: When I read the books, I had a hard time imagining an aging knight who was still sort of a bad ass. McElhinney showed me what one looked like.

Grading the Cast of Game of Thrones, Part 1

With the first season of Game of Thrones over and another two weeks before the fifth book, A Dance with Dragons, comes out we’re not quite sure what the hell to do with ourselves.

In an attempt to stave off withdrawal, we decided to grade the cast of Game of Thrones. As a whole, the cast gets an A, but it wouldn’t be much of an article if we gave every actor an A. Any criticism below is sheer nitpickery.

Sean Bean as Lord Eddard Stark
Grade: B+

Comments: Ned is such an understated character that it was hard for Bean to really blow us away, which some of the other cast members did.

Michelle Fairley as Catelyn Stark
Grade: C

Comments: Much criticized on the ‘net for looking older than superfans preferred, our gripe is less about age and more that Fairley’s performance was a little on the melodramatic side. She plays every scene like it’s Life. Or. Death., which means the real life or death scenes just kinda blend in with the rest.

Richard Madden as Robb Stark
Grade: B

Comments: Madden did a solid job handling Robb Stark’s transition from carefree kid to head of the Stark clan.

Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark
Grade: A-

Comments: Turner was one we weren’t quite sure about at the start of the season, but she’d won us over by the time Joffrey forced her to look at Ned’s head on a stick.

Maisie Williams as Arya Stark
Grade: A+

Comments: Williams had big shoes to fill, playing one of our favorite characters from the books. She didn’t disappoint.

Isaac Hempstead-Wright as Bran Stark
Grade: B

Comments: It seemed like we didn’t spend as much time with Bran in the show as in the book, but Hempstead-Wright did well with the screen time he had.

Kit Harington as Jon Snow
Grade: C

Comments: We’re still on the fence about Harington. He’s not bad, but Jon Snow is another favorite character, and we’re left wanting more from him. If he could stop making that confused doofus face so often, it might help.

John Bradley as Samwell Tarly
Grade: A-

Comments: Bradley was excellent for the most part, but there were a few moments that bordered on cartoon sheepishness. He was definitely entertaining, though.

Alfie Allen as Theon Greyjoy
Grade: B-

Comments: We hate Theon so much that we refuse to give him more than a B minus. It actually could be great acting since we’re not supposed to like Theon, but we’ll have to wait and see how things go next season.

Natalia Tena Osha the Wildling
Grade: A

Comments: What separates Game of Thrones from other fantasy (i.e. Lord of the Rings) is the lack of prim and proper. There are no pristine fairy castles in GoT. Even the good guys are kinda dirty and scruffy. Tena’s performance as Osha exemplified that grit and color well.

James Cosmo as Commander Jeor Mormont
Grade: A

Comments: Cosmo is pretty much exactly how we imagined Commander Mormont. Stern. Stern, but fair.

Iain Glen as Jorah Mormont
Grade: A+

Comments: Whether it’s the nature of the character or Glen’s own presence, Jorah Mormont stands out as Daenerys’ wise adviser.

Kate Dickie as Lysa Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: As creepy in the show as she is in the books, Dickie’s protrayal of Lysa Arryn is perfect crazy mommy, fake boob and all.

 

Lino Facioli as Robin Arryn
Grade: A

Comments: Congratulations parents of Lino Facioli, your kid freaks me out. I guess that’s a good thing, considering the role.

 

Handmade Awesomeness: Pirate Edition

In honor of the newest installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy coming out this month, here’s some kick ARRRRse handmade pirate booty!

 

 

 

 

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Jackass 3D

I was about to start this review with the complaint that Jackass 3D relied a little too much on the poo, vomit, and scrotum  gags. And then I realized how dumb that would sound. After all, isn’t that what Jackass is all about?

Instead, what I’ll say is this: the latest installment of the tv/movie franchise feels a little like a restaurant franchise. No one goes to Applebee’s because the food is great. They go because, though the food is mediocre at best, it’s always the same. When you order that tray of Baby Back Ribs, you know exactly what you’re getting. And when you watch a Jackass movie, you know you’re in for a lot of farting, shitting, pissing, punching, and laughing.

To be honest, I didn’t expect either of the first two Jackass movies to be good. I was pleasantly surprised. More than that, I laughed my ass off. But the creativity abundant in the first two movies is lacking in the third. The ratio of silly and funny to gross and painful is off this time around. I know this is patently unAmerican of me to say, but sometimes enough is enough when it comes to people taking hits to the nards.

Maybe what’s really missing from Jackass 3D is enthusiasm. I can’t say I blame them. I don’t think I could be too enthusiastic about taking a T-ball to the family jewels, and I don’t even have family jewels. Then again, the silly skits like Party Boy and Werewolves in London require no organ damage and, in my opinion, were funnier anyway.

Ranking the seasons: Dexter

The fifth installment of Showtime’s serial killer saga, “Dexter”, delivered the highest ratings yet, and the show was already the most watched in network history, so we can probably assume the series will go as long as star Michael C. Hall remains interested.  (Fun fact: Hall’s marriage to co-star Jennifer Carpenter [AKA Dexter's sister Deb] is apparently headed for divorce, which could add some extra tension to the set as both will be back next year.)  But, ratings aside, how did this season stack up to the rest on a scale of 1 to awesome? Let’s rank them shits.

1. Season One
Primary Season Long Arc: The Ice Truck Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita
Deb’s Love Interest: Rudy
The Gist: “Tonight’s the night.” The bright colors of Miami  juxtapose with the detached, sardonic voice over – the Dexter deadpan.  Enter Dexter Morgan – blood spatter forensics expert by day, blood spattering serial killer by night.  He’s cleaning up the streets of Florida the old fashioned way – by dumping garbage bags full of the mutilated bodies of criminals into the Atlantic.  The clash of styles between the emotionless Dexter and the flair of Miami’s culture – from loud music to loud shirts – were still new and exciting in the first season.   These style elements eventually became routine, but what really cements the debut season as a clear number 1 was a plot that was mysterious not only on the surface level of the twists and turns of the Ice Truck Killer case, but in terms of digging into Dexter’s past and uncovering something that fundamentally changes his interpretation of his own identity.  It was almost an origin story that pieced itself together in flashbacks over the course of the season. The writers would try to repeat this in future seasons but would ultimately fail to satisfy.

2. Season Four
Primary Season Long Arc: The Trinity Killer
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (married)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton and Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s 4th installment is best known for the shock of the season’s cliffhanger ending – Dexter returning home to find his wife, Rita, murdered in the bathtub.  The season also had another shocking death earlier in the year as Agent Lundy is shot and killed in the middle of a conversation with Deb.  It’s probably those dramatic exits of 2 longtime characters that push this season just above the rest of the pack, but John Lithgow made a decent serial killer in his guest stint as well.

3. Season Three
Primary Season Long Arc: DA Miguel Prado gets hands on with some perps
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita (engaged)
Deb’s Love Interest: Anton
The Gist: The 3rd season is nuts.  Somehow Dexter becomes a serial killing mentor to district attorney Miguel Prado, played by Jimmy Smits.  Despite the goofiness of the DA/serial killer tandem-ing, I actually liked Smits.  Eventually, though, the conflict that arises between him and Dexter gets a little melodramatic and seems to drag on for too long before it finally resolves itself in a completely predictable fashion.  A lot of the side stories really started to get annoying this year, too – like Deb banging the partially skinned club musician,  Anton (David Ramsey).  During those scenes I was hoping Miguel and Dexter would burst into my actual house and put me out of my misery.

4. Season Five
Primary Season Long Arc: Jordan Chase and friends
Dexter’s Love Interest: Lumen
Deb’s Love Interest: Quinn
The Gist: When I first heard that Julia Stiles was going to guest star on Dexter’s 5th season, I said: “The bad news is that Julia Stiles is guest starring on Dexter next season.  The good news is that Dexter will murder her. “ More bad news:  He didn’t!  Instead he had sexual relations with her several times and helped her overcome a lot of her PTSD issues through the healing power of stab-murdering a bunch of bad guys.  At this point some of the show’s staple elements are really starting to fall flat.  Dexter’s conversations with imaginary (and/or ghost) Harry have progressed from interesting in season 1 to not so interesting in season 3 and 4 to actually pretty annoying in season 5, for one example.

5. Season Two
Primary Season Long Arc: The Bay Harbor Butcher
Dexter’s Love Interest: Rita and Lila
Deb’s Love Interest: Agent Lundy
The Gist: Dexter’s bags of bodies are discovered and the heat is on. Everyone is looking for the Bay Harbor Butcher, including the FBI. Dexter also starts going to alocholics anonymous type meetings where he explores the idea of his “dark passenger” and befriends a crazy person with a ridiculous East End accent named Lila.  Dexter wastes little time as he and Lila really hit it off, by which I mean Lila takes her clothes off and Dexter hits it.  Later he kills her.  Also, she was super annoying, and that’s the sole reason this season ranks last.

Top 20 Movies of the Decade (2000-2009)

After waiting a year (almost) for the movies of 2000-2009 to fully sink in, we’re finally prepared to unleash our best of the decade list. Hold on to your butts.

20. Memento – The infamous “backwards movie” that really launched Christopher Nolan’s career (The Dark Knight, The Prestige, Inception). Nolan packs enough action into his movies to satisfy most everyone, but at the root of his best movies are unique story/narrative concepts that are fully developed and realized via complex plots. Hard to believe that some thought of him as a “gimmick” movie maker when Memento first came out.

19.  Cloverfield – A documentary style horror movie, effectively crossing Godzilla with The Blair Witch Project. Maybe not completely beloved by critics, but beloved by me. Cloverfield‘s faithfulness to its point of view gives the unfolding horrors a sense of realism that heightens their impact.

18. Nine Lives – Nine loosely connected, interwoven vignettes, written and directed by Rodrigo Garcia, son of famed Latin American author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

17. Dogville – Lars Von Trier’s controversial 2003 movie starring Nicole Kidman and set on a stage with no props, backdrops, or scenery. Very dark.

16. Adaptation – Charlie Kaufman and his fictional twin, Donald, attempt to adapt Susan Orlean’s  The Orchid Thief.

15. The King of Kong – This documentary tells the story of the all-time Donkey Kong arcade game record, which is surprisingly dramatic. There’s sabotage, conspiracy, and an antagonist so villainous, you wouldn’t believe it if it wasn’t real. Plus a lot of hilarious nerds.

14. O Brother, Where Art Thou? – The Coen Brothers teamed up with George Clooney to make a Depression-era retelling of Homer’s The Odyssey.

13. The Man Who Wasn’t There – Billy Bob Thornton stars in this barber shop Noir. My favorite Coen Brothers movie of the decade, even if it’s not the most critically acclaimed.

12. Brick – This is what happens when you view a high school drama through a Noir lens.

11. The Descent – A horror movie that rises to the challenge of having an actual story with real characters, while remaining truly scary. (Side note: In seventh grade, I made it to the southwest semifinal spelling bee for my state, and I got out on my first word. Descent. Ever since, the word has terrified me.)

10. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – Charlie Kaufman’s “what if we could pay to erase our bad memories?” movie, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

9. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – Peter Jackson’s fantasy trilogy is probably the best execution ever in this genre.

8. Let the Right One In – Swedish vampire movie that on the surface sounds similar to the plot of something like Twilight, but in reality works as a totally unique, quirky horror movie.

7. Inglourious Basterds – Most critics prefer the Kill Bill movies, but despite many openly sophomoric elements, Basterds struck me as Tarantino’s most mature movie, and it’s my favorite of his from this decade, and maybe my favorite over all.

6. A Tale of Two Sisters – This Korean horror movie combines a “what the hell is going on” plot with a variety of creepy visuals.  It has stuck with me for about 7 years.  (It also was remade into the horrible American horror movie “The Uninvited“.)

5. Shotgun Stories – A blood feud erupts between two families in a rural Arkansas town, and it’s not long before both sides go too far.

4. Amelie – A French story about an eccentric girl and her first secret adventures after a childhood of isolation.

3. The Station Agent – A lonesome dwarf inherits an old train station building in rural New Jersey and befriends some of the locals.

2. The Best of Youth – Originally made for Italian TV, this 6 hour mini-series/movie tells the story of 2 brothers, covering from their high school years up through adulthood.

1. Grizzly Man – The life and death of Timothy Treadwell – the guy who voluntarily lived among the bears in the wild of Alaska for months at a time – filmed by Treadwell himself and pieced together into a documentary by Werner Herzog after Treadwell’s death.  I watched this over 5 years ago and still think about it a lot. It didn’t win the Oscar, in fact it wasn’t even nominated, but it’s number 1 in our book.

Documentary December – Winnebago Man

Jack Rebney is the Winnebago Man – an oddly eloquent yet obscenity laced orator that rose to Youtube fame for the outtakes of an early 1980′s Winnebago promotional video that featured him losing his shit repeatedly and swearing up a damn storm. (My personal favorite quote is “My mind is just a piece of shit this morning.”) As a truly eccentric character – he has lived in the woods alone for the past 15 years – with a flair for hilarious dialogue, he is a kickass subject for a documentary. Director Ben Steinbauer, however, took this great subject and made a merely OK documentary.

First of all, take a look at the original video:

The movie begins with Steinbauer following in the footsteps of “throw it together” documentary filmmakers like Nick Broomfield that essentially make a movie about themselves trying to make a movie. They run down leads and try to get interviews. The narrative follows the filmmaker’s journey rather than the subject’s journey, and the story is told to the audience by the director via lots of voice over rather than letting the footage show us the subject and their story. In this case, Steinbauer talks about his personal history with the Winnebago Man video, which actually dates back to the pre-Youtube era of funny videos being spread via hand copied VHS tapes. He then details his early efforts in finding Rebney and setting up an interview with him. In an already very short movie (less than 90 minutes), this is fluff, and there’s an annoying “golly gee, funny videos make everyone happy” quality to the early voice over segments to make it a little worse.

TV Casualties Rating: out of 5

Run Time: 85 minutes

Directed by: Ben Steinbauer

Starring: Jack Rebney

Theatrical Release: 07/09/10

DVD Release: 11/02/10

Production Budget: N/A

Domestic Gross: $181K

Metacritic Score: 71/100

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 91%

As the film progresses, we meet Rebney and he’s exactly the same guy we’ve seen on youtube – sure, he’s older, in his mid to late 70′s, but just as intense, quick-witted and foul-mouthed as he was that day in the Winnebago 20 odd years ago. And here’s the film’s real flaw – we ultimately don’t see a ton of footage of Rebney just being himself. Steinbauer fights with him about talking about his childhood and opening up to people, which Rebney has no interest in. Rebney is extremely skeptical of Youtube and his so-called fanbase, whom he misunderstands and assumes to be laughing at him rather than being amused by his turns of filthy phrase.

Rebney’s dream is to write books about politics and philosophy. He agrees to work on Steinbauer’s project merely for the chance to spread his ideas. Winnebago Man reveals almost none of the content of his message and all the footage is condensed into showing him being defensive about “opening up to people.” Without revealing the ending, the “opening up” storyline does pay off in a satisfying way, and I did feel like Rebney was changed by the experience of making this documentary. Still, I wanted to know Rebney better, not in a superficial “what was your childhood like?” way, but in an adult “what are you genuinely passionate about today?” way. Instead I got a Rebney reduced to a hermit caricature to fit Steinbauer’s sappy ode to the power of funny videos. Golly gee, that’s swell.

Documentary December – The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

It’s the Appalachian equivalent of Jersey Shore.  The opening minutes of Julien Nitzberg’s documentary, “The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia“, give a rapid fire family history of the film’s subject, the White family of Boone County, West Virginia.  A gun shot sound effect punctuates.  The patriarch, D. Ray White, was a clog/tap dancer, growing famous both for his unique performances as well as his outlaw lifestyle that ultimately resulted in him getting shot and killed.  His sons attempted to follow in his footsteps, perhaps finding more success in terms of achieving the outlaw lifestyle than anything else. One died a violent death at a young age, one fled the area to keep out of trouble, and the most famous, Jesco White, has brain damage from “ten long years of huffing gasoline.”  He isn’t sure if the damage is on the left or right side of his brain, but does recall the doctor saying that in essence he has a hole in his brain where the remaining tissue is like cigarette ash.  (Jesco is the subject of a 1991 PBS documentary called “Dancing Outlaw” which we plan to review later in the month.)

TV Casualties Rating: out of 5

Run Time: 84 minutes

Directed by: Julien Nitzberg

Starring: Jesco White, Hank Williams III

Theatrical Release: 05/05/2010

DVD Release: 10/26/2010

Production Budget: N/A

Domestic Gross: N/A

Metacritic Score: N/A

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 50%

In many ways, this super quick opening summary is the most compelling part of the film.  The outlaw life and death is dramatic and intriguing from a distance.  It all gets uglier upon closer examination.

After the shock of the family’s violent history, Nitzberg moves into the day to day life of the Whites, which is an all you can eat, smoke and snort buffet of prescription drugs, whiskey and weed. We watch a new mother chop and snort oxycontin off the hospital room end table a few hours after giving birth.  We see two 50-60 year olds blow smoke in their 85 year old mother’s face during her birthday party.  We meet a lot of family members that talk way slower than Tommy Chong.

The Whites have a histrionic streak about as wide as the New River Valley Gorge.  Family members trade off bragging about using and selling drugs or committing acts of violence.  They take an enormous amount of pride in their fame and the attention they get for being so dysfunctional.  The infamy and death are glorified as much as possible.

But generations of this lifestyle lead to a value system that a normal person can’t really comprehend until they watch this.  Drugs and violence have been such a part of the Whites lives now for so long that they have no real sense of the negative effects they can have, even in the case of guarding their kids from them.  There are scenes of one of the 5 or 6 year old kids drinking 6 or 7 cans of Pepsi and bouncing off the walls.  How many years until it’s something more serious? In later scenes, the same child threatens to murder his estranged father. His aunt’s response is something along the lines of, “You wanna go to jail? Don’t say that kinda stuff on camera.”

In the end, there isn’t really a single clear cut good guy among The White clan.  Jesco may be the most articulate and charming, which is insane considering his aforementioned brain issues.  The family is fascinating on a certain level, but there is ultimately no real substance to their story.  The violence of a train wreck is visceral and thrilling, but the aftermath, the reality, is no fun.

True Grit Trailers – Old and New

I was curious how the new Coen Brothers’ True Grit trailer would compare to that of the original John Wayne version:

31 Days of Horror – Splice

Last October we reviewed Vincenzo Natali’s Cube, a 1997 Canadian horror movie that seems to have slowly and surely built a strong cult following over the years (and rightfully so, as it’s good.)  It was a bit of surprise to see Natali back with Splice in June 2010, writing and directing a horror film for the first time since Cube – and this time with a fairly big name cast and the movie going wide in U.S. theaters.

In Splice, Elsa (Sarah Polley) and Clive (Adrien Brody) are scientists who create a human animal hybrid by splicing together DNA from various species. As the hybrid, Dren (Delphine Chanéac), rapidly develops into something more human than animal, the lines between science experiment subject and child are blurred. Elsa and Clive struggle with the ethical implications- they can’t tell anyone about their breakthrough because human testing is illegal, and they can’t just kill Dren because she’s part human.

The story is instantly engaging. As Dren is introduced over the first two thirds of the movie, she evokes a response almost like the Elephant Man, a deep  sympathy with some curiosity and a little revulsion.  This provides an emotional punch to the ethical conflict that develops between Elsa and Clive.  They rail against each other some, not quite sure what role to take with Dren or how to deal with her. The audience has similarly mixed feelings that shift and change as Dren quickly mutates, and we’re forced to reevaluate things again.  Natali has a gift for making genre movies that are competent and suspenseful as standard horror, but also ask the audience ethical or philosophical questions that resonate on a much deeper level.

TV Casualties Rating: out of 5

Run Time: 104 minutes

Directed by: Vincenzo Natali

Written by: Vincenzo Natali

Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chanéac

Theatrical Release: 06/04/10

DVD Release: 10/05/10

Production Budget: $26 million

Domestic Gross: $17 million

Metacritic Score: 66/100

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 74%

Visually, Splice has some of the best CGI I’ve seen.  It was about halfway through the movie before I even stopped to consider the fact that a lot of what I was watching wasn’t real, and then wondered how they did it.  Everything looked solid and tangible.  It didn’t have that super phony CGI sheen.  There were tricks to make Dren’s eyes extremely far apart when viewed from straight ahead – essentially some CGI or other effect literally on one of the lead’s faces for the bulk of her screen time – and I could not tell how they achieved this.  It looked unsettling and inhuman in the ways they clearly intended, but it didn’t look fake the way Jar-Jar Binks looks fake.

And yet somehow, great visuals, a great story idea and a very good cast did not add up to a great movie. I’ve never said this before, but Splice was a movie crippled by its overly speedy pace.  Too much story was crammed into the allotted time, and the plot and character development seemed forced. For example, in an early scene, Elsa and Clive are wracking their brains trying to figure out how they can possibly bind the animal DNA with the human DNA, something considered nearly impossible. The entire transition from “Try this!” and “Damn! It didn’t work. We’ll never figure it out.” to “OMG, it worked!” takes about 30 seconds.  In the grand scheme of the movie, this is actually one of the more forgivable cases of blazing through a scene to set things up, but almost the entire movie was that rapid.  By the time things frantically raced – literally – through the final chase scene and climax, the lack of real thrills leaves you feeling that the movie didn’t live up to its early promise.

Splice would probably have made for an awesome book or first season of a TV show.  Instead, it’s merely a pretty good movie.

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