Breaking Bad as an ABC Sitcom

First Game of Thrones Teaser from HBO

Unnecessary Censorship and Hanso Training Video for the Lost Finale

Pass or Fail: Grading NBC’s Trailers Pt 2

Outlaw

Jimmy Smits is a hotshot lawyer who plays by his own rules… but he gets results! I’m glad to see that NBC is going for a fresh take on the courtroom drama. I haven’t seen a hotshot lawyer play by his own rules like this since every other courtroom drama on tv (plus House is the same thing, just set in a hospital). It also reveals the conclusion of the pilot in the trailer, which seems like a dumb move. There’s a moment where, as Jimmy Smits is loose-cannoning around his apartment, he is slapping a baseball bat against his palm for no good reason. For a split second, I thought it was a gigantic black dildo. That was the best part of this trailer.

Fail

Chase

This is a straightforward US Marshals show. They intend the hook to be the hard boiled female lead, but this is not a hook. At this point, it’s a cliche.

Fail

Harry’s Law

Kathy Bates is a hotshot lawyer who plays by her own rules… but she gets results! The opening of this trailer is awesome (what’s not to like about Kathy Bates tootin’ on a big ol’ hogleg?), but it starts to lose me when it says “from the creator of Ally McBeal”. And what’s with these lawyer shows revealing the end of the pilot? They’re basically just letting you know that every episode will be completely predictable.

Close Pass

The Cape

I don’t even know what to say about this one… a superhero trained by secret underground circus folk, with a magical cape that he uses as a weapon. The idea that his family wouldn’t recognize him in his superhero get up would be a lot easier to swallow if the show were called The Mask.

Fail

School Pride

It’s Extreme Home Makeover for schools. I’m not into that show, but this seems like a better premise for people that are into that kind of thing. Also, mold is gross, so I’ll give a pass to any show that involves network money being spent on mold removal.

Pass

The Mentalist: I See Red People

Speculation (based on the season finale trailer) that may be considered spoilerish ahead…

I’m moist with anticipation for the season finale of The Mentalist. I’ve been waiting for another crack at that dastardly Do-No-Gooder, Red John, since the season one finale. You don’t even know how bad I want that bastard behind bars.

Or should I say… that BITCH.

And that’s where we get to the spoilerish speculation. I’ve had this theory since last season’s finale that Red John is a woman. In a The Usual Suspects style twist, I thought it would be revealed that Rosalind Harker is Red John.

If you’re rusty on your Mentalist history, the season one finale introduced Harker (Alicia Witt), a blind woman who had dated Red John. Of course her blindness makes her incapable of describing “him” physically. I was hoping it was all a ruse, that her blindness was a hoax so well done that she fooled even Patrick Jane. Who would expect the quiet, blind, pianist?

I started doubting my theory towards the end of season two. Worse, I started doubting that the show could resolve and/or develop the Red John situation to my satisfaction. I was worse than right. I was wrong.

I happened to catch the trailer for the season 2 finale, and it all fell into place. Remember last year when supposed psychic Kristina Frye (Leslie Hope) told Jane that his daughter died peacefully in her sleep? What at the time seemed like an attempt to give Jane some peace was actually an admission that she is the killer!

Need more proof?

• Last week, Hightower referred to Frye as “the blond”, and I immediately launched into a five minute tirade about her hair being far more red than blond, how dare she refer to it as blond, blah blah blah. Duh.
• She’s the only person that has come close to rivaling Jane’s intellect and cunning.
• Jane asked her out. Oh, the painful, painful irony.
• She’s been hiding in plain sight since early on, making her first appearance in the 7th episode, which is necessary for a satisfying reveal.
• Tim said, “Maybe she’s Red John,” during last week’s episode, but apparently I didn’t hear him. I was probably still ranting about her hair being red.

All of Red John’s accomplices so far have been women, which acts as both a misdirection (all of the accomplices refer to Red John as a man) and foreshadowing that Red John is actually female.

I am tempted to immediately drop to my knees in fealty to the almighty writers of The Mentalist, ye who have crafted such a kickass mystery and deftly written the subtle sleight-of-hand required to pull it off, but I don’t want to jinx it.

Pass or Fail: Grading NBC’s New Trailers Pt 1

Undercovers

As a fan of J.J. Abrams, I was looking forward to this one the most. Unfortunately, I was already saying “meh” at the 10 second mark. Too cheesy. Then I got to “sexspionage” and I kinda wanted to throw up.

Fail

Friends With Benefits

I was pleasantly surprised at the beginning, but less so as the trailer went on. I’m a fan of Ryan Hansen (Veronica Mars, Party Down), not so much when it comes to Fran Kranz (Dollhouse), though a comedy should suit him better than a drama.

Pass

Outsourced

The lead actor is weak. The jokes are dumb – intentionally I’m sure, but dumb all the same.

Fail

Love Bites

The voice over (and hair) left me cringing. It seems to be going for a Sex and the City type vibe. Ugh. (Tim says: Having a penis, I was not even remotely interested. Lex says: Having a vagina, I was not even remotely interested.)

Fail

Perfect Couples

Despite myself, this one made me laugh. More than once.

Pass

Paul Reiser Show

I don’t even have to watch the trailer. The name says it all. I’d honestly prefer a remake of My Two Dads.

Fail

The Event

I’m not expecting a lot from this after being severely disappointed by both V and FlashForward, but the trailer piqued my interest which is all you can really hope for with a trailer.

Pass

Things I’m Thinking As I Watch Survivor – 05/16/10

First, let me get this out of the way:

FUCK YES!

I can sleep well tonight knowing Sandra won.

To be honest, I was pretty convinced Parvati was going to win again once they showed the first few votes during tribal council.

Okay, back to what I was thinking…

– Colby crying was one of the funniest Survivor moments since Boo sliced himself with an axe, got something in his eye, and fell out of the hammock in the course of one afternoon.

– Can we please get rid of the damned Final Passage? Ten minutes of cheesy slow motion flashbacks is too much.

– (When Russell voted Jerri out instead of Parvati:) Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I hate Parvati.

– Parvati says she’s put her “heart and soul into this game.” MAYBE IF SHE HAD A SOUL.

– Three of the best bullshitters (and I mean that as a compliment) made it to the final tribal council this season. Ultimately, Russell is the weakest… while he at least tried to exercise some humility this time around, it probably won’t be enough to get him the votes. Russell is the kind of cat that hunts the mouse and then wants to play with it instead of killing it, and no one will vote for you after you tortured them and then gloated about it.

Lost: The Final Countdown

One week from today Lost will be over for good. Crazy. So now is a time to ponder the remaining mysteries as well as look back over the good times. We start on the pondering side of things:

What’s with the gooey black stuff coming off of Locke here?

Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have apparently quit doing interviews between now and the finale, but they did a good one with Alan Sepinwall a few days ago that is worth reading. Here is a little taste:

Damon Lindelof: In terms of what Jacob allowed, what he didn’t allow, what The Others did of their own volition, with Ben basically saying “This came down from Jacob” is all in the area that is subject to interpretation purposely. What our intention was is that there is a repeating vicious cycle that seems to happen on this island, where people come to the island, they try to figure out what makes the island work, and the closer they came leads them to their own inevitable demise.

Check out the rest here.

To move on to remembering some of the fonder moments, we start with a sweet Hurley montage. His epitaph will read “Hugo ‘Hurley’ Reyes. He said ‘dude.’ A lot.”

And last but not least, my favorite moment in Lost history. I suppose this gem could work pretty well on a gravestone, too.

Things I’m Thinking As I Watch Survivor – 05/13/10

– I can’t believe Parvati’s last name is Shallow. It’s too perfect. Jesus, I can’t wait until she gets voted off.

– Jerri has totally redeemed herself. Or maybe I’ve finally seen so much of Colby’s Dudley Do-Right routine at this point that she looks pretty undouchey in comparison.

– I get the impression, not just because of his comments during the “loved ones” challenge, that Jeff Probst doesn’t like Colby very much.

– Sandra might be the smartest player ever. She keeps her mouth shut and trusts her own judgment.

– My prediction is that Sandra, Jerri and Russell will make it to the final three and Jerri will win. I would be surprised if Sandra won again. I think it’s unlikely that the jury would give the million to someone who has already won, especially a villain that’s already won.

That being said, Sandra probably has a better chance of winning it than Russell. He’s just too damn smug, and he pulls the classic Rob Cesternino mistake, which is making too many moves against too many people that he’s given his word to, thus ensuring that none of them will vote for him.

Handmade Awesomeness: Lost Edition

6 years of my life
I dreamed of the damn island.
Can’t believe it’s done

We here at TVCasualties celebrate the approaching series finale of Lost with a haiku and this edition of handmade awesomeness!

 

Spoilers ahead if you’re not caught up this season… don’t say I didn’t warn you.

With this necklace, you’ll never forget which numbers to push.

Namaste necklace by gibberish2

 

The Dharma people will never suspect you’re an imposter from the future with these official Dharma logo goods!

LOST Brooch.. Dharma Initiative Logo by ChocolateMintCrafts

Lost Dharma Initiative – Apple Macbook Vinyl Decal by TheDarkMonkey

 

LOST keychain / keyring DHARMA INITIATIVE by StraitjacketFun

 

Invent your own Lost spoilers with this tee.

Medium Lost Spoilarz Hurley Kills a Dinosaur Mens Shirt Sand by tinaseamonster

 

Nice smoke monster. Pretty smoke monster.

The Smoke Monster Lost Inspired Necklace with Swarovski Crystals and Natural Crystal Spikes by LongLivetheQueenBee

 

With these magnets, you’ll never run out of silly nicknames for Hurley.

Get Lost In Nicknames – Hurley by LittleMommaErin

Two players, two sides. One is light and one is dark.

LOST Inspired Good Evil Black White Bracelet by 2smooches

 

You better give him his kidney back.

Man in Black by theSKIDish

 

A handy tool for any castaway.

Haiti Releif NEVER LOST COMPASS Necklace by madebymoe

 

Twinsies!

Jacob and the Man in Black Bot by boltsandbots

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