Instant Reaction: Nurse Jackie, “School Nurse” 6/29/09

Week 4 for “Nurse Jackie” is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it’s not trying as hard as it was in the first couple of episodes, which I mean as a good thing. It’s less forced. On the other hand, I can already see it running the risk of getting boring.

In fact, nothing much has happened in the last two episodes. Jackie’s daughter is showing signs of some sort of mental health problem, but we already knew that. This lack of eventfulness highlights a bigger problem for the show.

Maybe the slow pace would be less of an issue if the show was more focused on the comedy. Nurse Jackie is more of a drama, however, and because of that I think it would be better as an hour-long show. In most cases, wanting a show to be longer is a good thing, but in Nurse Jackie’s case, I want it to be longer because it feels like nothing really happens. There isn’t enough funny to make it satisfying as a half hour comedy. In the dense world of a premium channel drama, 30 minutes is barely enough time to check in on all of the main characters, let alone establish legitimate dramatic interest.

All in all it’s a good show, but it needs more red meat.

Ranking the New Shows: #13 – Better Off Ted

Number 13 is up, and is one of only five sitcoms (and the only not on a premium channel).

The show: “Better Off Ted”
Synopsis: Ted is the head of Research and Development for one of the largest corporations in the country. He deals with zany scientists, a crazy boss, and a wacky girl that steals all the office’s creamer! It’s “Arrested Development” set in a corporate environment, sans all of the funny cast members. (They should have called it “Arrested Research and Development”.)
Debuted: March 18th, 2009
Our take: This might be the most damningly lukewarm phrase you can give a comedy: “Better Off Ted” is mildly amusing. It’s shooting for quirky and silly but has a severe lazy streak. For example, Phil’s (Jonathan Slavin) high pitched squeal that surfaced as a side effect of his experimental cryogenic freezing was maybe-kinda-sorta funny the first time… and not at all the 438 times after that. Casting Portia de Rossi as the shallow, cold, robotic corporate boss is equally lazy. They basically took her role from “Arrested Development” and crossed it with her role in “Ally McBeal.” In fairness, it’s consistently clever, and never suffers from the cringe/groan-inducing clunkers that sink most sitcoms. It’s a watchable show, but it doesn’t make me laugh.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: If they did “Arrested Development” justice, I’d watch. “Arrested Development” was full of surprises and a wide range of jokes- from George Michael’s awkwardness to Tobias’ blustering double entendres. “Better Off Ted” is one dimensional and repetitive in comparison.

Ranking the New TV Shows: #14 – Glee

The 14th best show is something of an anomaly in that the pilot was released this spring, but the rest of the series will not air until next fall. With just one episode to judge, it probably got docked a few points. Looking purely at potential, we could have put it a few spots higher. Either way, from 14 on is a huge step up from the bottom of the rankings. All of the shows from here on out show a lot of promise.

The show: “Glee”
Synopsis: A quirky version of “High School Musical” for Prime Time television from the creator of “Nip/Tuck“. Teacher and all-around great guy, Will Scheuster (Matthew Morrison) fights to keep the Glee Club alive and recruit new talent in a high school focused on popularity, cheerleading, sports, etc.
Debuted: May 19th, 2009 (Official Series Premiere: September, 16, 2009)
Our take: The show is pretty funny, with humor ranging from Jane Lynch’s macho cheer coach to the eccentricities of the nerd crowd.  The primary core of characters each have a distinct voice.   There’s the Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron), the super achiever who’s got the perfectly contradictory balance of insecurity and overconfidence.  Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) is the yin to her yang as the nice guy jock who dares to join the uncool Glee Club to the chagrin of his fellow football players. It goes on like that with other characters. Each one has their own idiosyncrasies and comedic style. On the other hand it’s a little black-and-white with the good guys and bad. The puppet strings are obvious. Will is too nice, and his wife is clearly an excuse for an obstacle, not a real person.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: The pilot of “Glee” climaxes, of course, with a big song and dance routine. I felt they missed a huge opportunity to show the talent of the cast by way overproducing it. Earlier musical numbers stood out because they seemed (and were) real. I know they wanted to really blow everyone away with the grand finale, but the outcome was phony. This was a chance to stand out from other tv shows and even movies by having an organic vocal performance that the audience could connect with. They could have had a comedy series with a touch of Broadway. Instead they have a comedy series with a touch of Britney Spears. Will I watch next year? It’s iffy.

Ranking the New TV Shows: #15 – The Life & Times of Tim

We’re back with Number 15, which happens to be our only animated offering of the year.

The show: “The Life and Times of Tim”
Synopsis: Tim is a normal guy (for a cartoon), who finds himself in many an awkward/inappropriate situation. It’s kinda like an animated “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” or “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
Debuted: June 2008
Our take: The first episode has a few laugh out loud moments, but there seems to be a lack of editing that drags almost every scene down. It’s clear that much of the show is improvised, which is a blessing and a curse. (If there’s a script at all, I’d guess it’s very loose.) The blessing comes in the form of natural delivery that gives the dialogue an awkward edge. Many of the funniest part of the show are a direct product of that. The curse, on the other hand, is essentially dead air. The stammering, the jokes that fall flat, the bits of small talk- all of it is left in, which leads to scenes that are too long and huge gaps between laughs.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: It needs to be quicker, tighter, and more disciplined. “The Life and Times of Tim” would benefit greatly from an editor that can discern the funny from the not. “Raped by a bum” is funny once or twice, and then it’s time to move on.

A Storm of Stars: Casting HBO’s “Game of Thrones” Part 2

We’re constantly getting new (and in some cases improved) Game of Thrones casting ideas. (Check the original here.) Some are from shows we’re watching now, and some are awesome suggestions from our readers. Here are a few:

Instant Reaction: Nurse Jackie, “Chicken Soup” 6/22/09

It’s week three, and Showtime’s “Nurse Jackie” is starting to settle in a bit.  This week’s episode was a little less eventful (after the first two weeks it almost had to slow some), but it did pack some laughs.  The only major development plot-wise – Jackie’s lover, Eddie the pharmacist, may soon be replaced by a robot.  This is perhaps even more significant as a means of cutting off her drug supply.  The machine would basically account for each and every pill.

There was another development with Jackie’s daughter’s anxiety that could turn into a multi-episode arc.  Unfortunately it came to light through several minutes of characters talking about it and just one 30 second scene actually showing it.  Writing 101, dudes:  show don’t tell.  It means little to me at this point and came across as manipulative.

The self-contained hospital story of the week focused on an elderly couple and chicken soup this time.  It was probably the weakest of Jackie’s run thus far.  Not annoying, but certainly not engaging.  They chicken-fisted it.

The comedy came primarily during an exchange between Jackie and Coop (Peter Facinelli), whom is starting to define himself as the show’s funniest character.  Facinelli’s dimwitted yet enthusiastic doctor plays a nice counterpoint to the hard-nosed Jackie.

Horsemen: Ponyloaf.

Here’s a recipe for braised bullshit movie: one 12 oz. can of David Fincher’s “Se7en” (Up), one leg of “Silence of the Lambs“, and two squirts of pure Quaid sweat. (This recipe calls for Dennis. Randy is an acquired taste. Little gamey.)

Yep. “Horsemen” is a blatant “Se7en“/”The Silence of the Lambs” copycat. Their strategy was to not merely recycle that material… but to kick it up a notch by totally sucking. Quaid (Dennis. Randy wouldn’t touch this script with Gary Sinise’s sac.) stars as Aidan Breslin, a work-obsessed homicide detective slash crappy dad. We know he’s a crappy dad because his eldest son, Alex (Lou Taylor Pucci), harps on the subject every time he’s on screen. A 16 year old boy that insists on giving his dad lectures on parenting? Science fucking fiction. It’s so heavy handed it makes Queen Latifah’s meathooks look downright dainty.

In one scene, young Alex suggests the family go to a hockey game. Daddy Breslin responds as if he’s either never heard of the sport or the notion of spending time with his offspring has never occurred to him before. Immediately cut to the family decked out in matching Red Wings gear. Huh?

TV Casualties Rating: out of 5

Run Time: 110 minutes

Directed by: Jonas Åkerlund

Written by: Dave Callaham

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Lou Taylor Pucci, Ziyi Zhang

Theatrical Release: 03/06/09

DVD Release: 07/14/09

Production Budget: N/A

Domestic Gross: N/A

Metacritic Score: N/A

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

Similar crappisms abound in “Horsemen“. I sense severe editing going on here. Several transitions left me feeling as if a whole chunk of movie had gone missing, which is often the case with straight to DVD turds.

Even Ziyi Zhang, who I’m a fan of, struggles. She is not nearly sinister enough to pull off the gloating female temptress the movie wants her to be. Her performance comes off as silly and a little embarrassing.

Plotwise, the movie is just as blah. Detective Breslin hunts a gruesome murderer. Eventually he realizes that this is not the work of one killer, but a kill group! Four, to be exact, each one representing a horseman of the apocalypse (rather than each murder representing one of the 7 deadly sins). Spooky, no? The actual murders lack believability and the quick discovery scenes don’t seem to give them the reverence such brutality would require – even the filmmakers aren’t buying it. We’ve seen it all before in “Se7en” and the dozens of movies that have already ripped it off. The biblical details are meaningless – a catchy name and an excuse for cryptic bible passages are all it really adds up to. Which is kind of how the whole movie feels. No substance and not even much style.

“Horsemen” fails on the very basic level of establishing a connection between the audience and the characters, rendering itself suspenseless. The movie could have almost saved itself (by a pussy hair) by following through with the final twist. Instead, it limps off with the cheesy, stupidly optimistic ending. Why? Movies like “The Descent” and “Se7en” resonate because they don’t go for the “things are finally starting to look up!” Hollywood ending. In the end, “Horsemen” failed to even successfully rip off its predecessors.

Ranking the New TV Shows: #16 – Lie To Me

The countdown continues with another piece o’ poo from Fox. “Lie to Me” is Fox’s “The Mentalist” imitation, hoping to ride the quirky procedural formula to similar ratings success. (To be fair, ABC did also come out with something of a “Mentalist” rip-off this spring in “Castle,” which is a little higher up in our rankings.)

The show: “Lie to Me”
Synopsis: Dr. Cal Lightman (Tim Roth) is an expert in facial micro-expressions and utilizing them to determine whether or not someone is lying. He and his team of fellow lie-ologists use their powers to fight crime.
Debuted: January 21, 2009 on Fox
Our take: The human lie detector idea is not a bad one. Toward the beginning of the episode, Lightman illustrates a point about facial expressions by showing real clips (such as Kato Kaelin at the O.J. trial) where people’s briefest facial expressions betray what they are saying and give a glimpse into what they really feel. I have to say – it was pretty impressive. From there, unfortunately, the show makes the mistake of getting a bit expository with its explanations of ticks and tells, though. In fact, it over explains pretty much everything, with characters needlessly recapping what someone has just explained to them. It also failed on a character and story level. The humor fell way flat, and the characters aside from Lightman were much more annoying than the quirky charm they must’ve been shooting for (something that “The Mentalist” does pretty well, I might add). In the end it comes across not so much as style over substance but lie detector jargon over both style and substance. I finished the pilot with no intention of going back for more.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: The fact that “The Shield” creator Shawn Ryan is taking over the reigns in season 2 is an excellent one. As I said, the basic premise is not bad. The flaws may be too severe to fix, though.

True Blood Most Watched HBO show since Sopranos Finale

The “True Blood” ratings are in, and they are huge. The Nielsen numbers show “True Blood” at 3.7 million viewers, which doesn’t account for DVR or time-shifted viewers – HBO estimates those bring the total to 5.1 million. It’s up 50% from the 2.4 million that watched last year’s season finale. It’s also the best showing for an HBO show since “The Sopranos” finale brought in over 11.9 million a couple years ago.

Even more good news – “True Blood” DVDs are currently number one on Amazon in DVD sales and on sale for $24.99.

This is huge for HBO, a network that looked on the brink of dropping way off after shows like “The Sopranos,” “Deadwood,” “The Wire,” and “Six Feet Under” ended their runs and replacements, like “John from Cincinnati,” failed to connect with an audience. It looks like Fantasy might be their new go to genre with the success of “True Blood” and George R. R. Martin’s anticipated “Game of Thrones” around the corner.

Ranking the New TV Shows: #17 – Mental

The Final Countdown. Over the next 17 days we will unveil our rankings for the new TV shows we tried out over the 2008-2009 TV season, starting with the shit sandwiches and working our way up to the filet mignon. (To simplify, we decided to not consider shows that have already been canceled.)

The show: “Mental”
Synopsis: A cocky British doctor (I didn’t bother to learn his name.) arrives at a mental hospital to take the head psychiatrist gig. I bet you can’t guess whether he “plays by the rules” or follows his gut. Let’s just say that when he sits around the house, he rips off the show “House.”
Debuted: May 26, 2009 on Fox
Our take: I only made it about 15 minutes into “Mental.” The scene that pushed me away for good? The arrogant new doctor is at his first meeting with the higher ups at the hospital. He stands in front of the board room table, surrounded by important people in suits. He dives right in with some “Dead Poet’s Society” style pseudo-profound speech about how “the patients are out there” as he points to the hallway. He is also dressed really casual (presumably because he is ridiculously cool) and shuffling a deck of cards throughout the speech. (Holy shit, that’s pretty nonchalant for a big meeting like this!) At this point, I vomited all over the TV screen.
What it would need to do to keep me watching: If the crazy people in the hospital would rise up and murder not only the British doctor but the writers whom conceived the character and the executives that gave it the green light, I would consider giving it another chance.

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